Groucho Marx Funny Quotes

Quotes about: Funny

• Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.

  Groucho Marx

  Love, Funny, Life

• Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

  Groucho Marx

  Love, Funny, Witty

• A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

  Groucho Marx

  Inspirational, Funny, Cat

• If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Sarcastic, Sarcasm

• I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

  Groucho Marx

  Inspirational, Funny, Smile

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Life, Witty

• The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Life, Fake People

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Sarcastic, Wedding

• Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

  Groucho Marx

  Inspirational, Funny, Marriage

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• [He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Crazy

  "Fictional character: Rufus T. Firefly". "Duck Soup", www.imdb.com. 1933.

• She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Family, Beauty

• I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Inspiration, Years

• I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Marriage, Sarcastic

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Running, Witty

• Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Friendship, Education

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Birthday, Time

• Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Laughter

• Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Life, Women

• All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

  Groucho Marx

  Inspirational, Funny, Witty

• I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Fear

• Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

• I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows until you come home.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Sarcastic, Book

  "Fictional character: Rufus T. Firefly". "Duck Soup", www.imdb.com. 1933.

• Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Crazy

• I've been around so long, I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Sex

  Quoted in Max Wilk, The Wit and Wisdom of Hollywood (1972)

• There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he is a crook.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Truth, Honesty

  "Donald Trump, a Populist for the Rich" by Jim Hightower, progressive.org. October 9, 2016.

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