Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
The world is divided into people who do things and people who get the credit.
The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.
Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
Sarcasm is the lowest form of humor but the highest form of flattery.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
I can fluently speak five languages: English, emoji, sexting, sarcasm and sass.
Don't be humble... you're not that great.
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.
Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.
The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.
A good listener is usually thinking about something else.
When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.
If you can't detect the sarcasm you've misunderstood.
A sarcastic person has a superiority complex that can be cured only by the honesty of humility.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.
The 100% American is 99% idiot.
An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
Sarcasm is not the rapier of wit its wielders seem to believe it to be, but merely a club: it may, by dint of brute force, occasionally raise bruises, but it never cuts or pierces.
Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.
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