Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Weep, an' it keeps on laughin'.
One of the commonest mistakes is thinking your worries are over when your children get married.
Fun is like life insurance; the older you get, the more it costs.
The hardest thing is to take less when you can get more.
Of all the home remedies, a good wife is best.
One of the commonest ailments of the present day is the premature formation of opinion.
Intelligent people are always on the unpopular side of anything.
We'd all like to vote for the best man but he's never a candidate.
Men are not punished for their sins, but by them.
The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.
There's another advantage to being poor - a doctor will cure you faster.
It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.
The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you.
A friend that ain't in need is a friend indeed.
When some folks agree with my opinions I begin to suspect I'm wrong.
The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them.
There is no failure except in no longer trying. There is no defeat except from within, no really insurmountable barrier save our own inherent weakness of purpose.
There are two ways to handle a woman, and nobody knows either of them.
A good listener is usually thinking about something else.
Some folks seem to have descended from the chimpanzee much later than others.
Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.
Some people pay a compliment as if they expected a receipt.
Flattery won't hurt you if you don't swallow it.
Don't knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while.
Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.
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