"Why doesn't the fellow who says, "I'm no speechmaker," let it go at that instead of giving a demonstration? "
A sadder but wiser man is a thousand times more agreeable to meet than the feller that never makes a mistake.
Washing your car and polishing it all up is a never failing sign of rain.
Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.
I never saw an athletic girl that thought she was strong enough to do indoor work.
Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.
Fashion: a barricade behind which men hide their nothingness.
Live so that you can at least get the benefit of the doubt.
My idea of walking into the jaws of death is marrying some woman who has lost three husbands.
One of the simple but genuine pleasures in life is getting up in the morning and hurrying to a mousetrap you set the night before.
If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest.
The reason the way of the transgressor is hard is because it's so crowded.
If there's anything mean in a feller, a litter authority will bring it out.
Everything comes to him who waits, except a loaned book.
Knowin' all about baseball is just about as profitable as bein' a good whittler.
Nobuddy ever listened t' reason on a empty stomach.
Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune.
I'm sorry to inform you that your 50 year warranty has expired on your back, knees, and memory. Luckily your lifetime warranty on your heart is still in effect. Of course, that becomes void and expires when you do.
I don't look for much to come out of government ownership as long as we have Democrats and Republicans.
It isn't enough for you to love money - it's also necessary that money should love you.
When you consider what a chance women have to poison their husbands, it's a wonder there isn't more of it done
Look out for the people who allow you to do all the talking.
Folks that blurt out just what they think wouldn't be so bad if they thought.
Some folks pay a compliment like they went down in their pocket for it.
When some fellers decide to retire nobody knows the difference.
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