Groucho Marx Quotes - Page 8

Quotes about:

• I've known and respected your husband for many years, and what's good enough for him is good enough for me

  Groucho Marx

  Husband, Inspiration, Years

  9 Copy quote

• Firefly: Where is your husband? Mrs. Teasdale: Why, he's dead. Firefly: I'll bet he's just using that as an excuse. Mrs. Teasdale: I was with him to the very end. Firefly: Hmmph. No wonder he passed away. Mrs. Teasdale: I held him in my arms and kissed him. Firefly: Oh I see. Then, it was murder.

  Groucho Marx

  Husband, Firefly, Arms

  16 Copy quote

• The only game I like to play is "Old Maid", providing she's not too old

  Groucho Marx

  Inspiration, Games, Play

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• Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances. (Either that, or my luck's terrible.)

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  Groucho Marx (2008). “Memoirs Of A Mangy Lover”, p.88, Da Capo Press

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• Heifer cow is better than none, but this is no time for puns

  Groucho Marx

  Inspiration, Cows, Pun

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• If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Crazy, Inspiration

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• You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar.

  Groucho Marx

  Party, Inspiration, Beer

  "Fictional character: Groucho". "Monkey Business", www.imdb.com. 1931.

  14 Copy quote

• Come on in girls, and leave all hope behind.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Girl, Witty

  Groucho Marx, Richard J. Anobile (1973). “The Marx Bros. Scrapbook”, Crown Publishing Group (NY)

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• Mrs. Teasdale congratulates him on his coronation and sovereignty: "The eyes of the world are upon you. Notables from every country are gathered here in your honor. This is a gala day for you." Firefly replies: "Well, a gal a day is enough for me. I don't think I could handle any more."

  Groucho Marx

  Country, Eye, Firefly

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• My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something.

  Groucho Marx

  Inspiration, Poetry, September 11

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• [Mrs. Teasdale]: He's had a change of heart. [Groucho]: A lot of good that'll do him. He's still got the same face.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Crazy, Silly

  Groucho Marx (2000). “The Essential Groucho: Writings By, For, and about Groucho Marx”, Vintage

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• The months before my son was born,
  I used to yell from night to morn,
  'Whatever it is, I'm against it!
  No matter what it is or who commenced it,
  I'm against it!'

  Groucho Marx

  Son, Night, Matter

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• A cigar makers organization once said that I was the most famous cigar smoker in the world. I dont know if thats true, but once while visiting Havana, I went to a cigar factory. There were four hundred people there rolling cigars, and when they saw me, they all stood up and applauded.

  Groucho Marx

  Organization, People, World

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• Money cannot buy you happiness, and happiness cannot buy you money. That might be a wise crack, but I doubt it.

  Groucho Marx

  Wise, Doubt, Cracks

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• Policeman: "A hermit eh? Then why's your table set for four?" Groucho: "That's nothing. My alarm clock is set for eight.

  Groucho Marx

  Eight, Four, Tables

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• I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Inspiration, Humor

  Quoted in Look Magazine, 28 Mar. 1950

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• Africa is God's country, and He can have it.

  Groucho Marx

  Country, Crackers, Animal Crackers

  Groucho Marx (2000). “The Essential Groucho: Writings By, For, and about Groucho Marx”, Vintage

  23 Copy quote

• I think women are sexy when they got some clothes on. And if later they take them off then you've triumphed. Somebody once said it's what you dont see you're interested in, and this is true.

  Groucho Marx

  Sexy, Men, Thinking

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• Let there be dancing in the streets, drinking in the saloons, and necking in the parlor.

  Groucho Marx

  Drinking, Beer, Dancing

  "Fictional character: Otis B. Driftwood". "A Night at the Opera", 1935.

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• Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you're probably watching the wrong channel.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

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• This book was written in those long hours I spent waiting for my wife to get dressed to go out. And if she had never gotten dressed at all this book would never have been written.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Reading, Book

  Groucho Marx (2008). “Memoirs Of A Mangy Lover”, p.5, Da Capo Press

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• I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills

  Groucho Marx

  Inspiration, Pills, Wedding Day

  Groucho Marx (2000). “The Essential Groucho: Writings By, For, and about Groucho Marx”, Vintage

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• No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Friendship, Inspiration

  Groucho Marx (2009). “Groucho And Me”, p.97, Da Capo Press

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• I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30.

  Groucho Marx

  Monday, Humorous, Inspiration

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• Groucho: You know I think you're the most beautiful woman in the world? Woman: Really? Groucho: No, but I don't mind lying if it gets me somewhere.

  Groucho Marx

  Beautiful, Lying, Thinking

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