Groucho Marx Quotes - Page 12

Quotes about:

• No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Sarcastic, Real

  10 Copy quote

• I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book . . . The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make dry toast, instant coffee, hearts of lettuce and brownies. But as an added attraction, at no extra charge, my idea was to put a fried egg on the cover. I think a lot of people who hate literature but love fried eggs would buy it if the price was right.

  Groucho Marx

  Love, Funny, Hate

  Groucho Marx (2009). “Groucho And Me”, p.29, Da Capo Press

  26 Copy quote

• As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Crazy, Silly

  4 Copy quote

• I never go to movies where the hero's tits are bigger than the heroine's.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Hero

  4 Copy quote

• I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books

  Groucho Marx

  Book, Giving, Nine

  8 Copy quote

• There's a man outside with a big black mustache. - Tell him I've got one.

  Groucho Marx

  Men, Mustache, Black

  12 Copy quote

• You've forgotten those June nights at the Riviera...the night I drank Champagne from your slipper - two quarts. It would have been more but you were wearing inner soles.

  Groucho Marx

  Wine, Night, June

  8 Copy quote

• Chico: "Here's the book, it's a dollar" Groucho: "Here's a ten, and shoot the change." Chico: "I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books.

  Groucho Marx

  Book, Giving, Dollars

  5 Copy quote

• My experience is that people are most likely to listen to reason when in bed.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Humor, People

  Groucho Marx (1976). “Beds”, Bobbs-Merrill Company

  8 Copy quote

• He [Groucho's father] had absolutely no training, and if you had ever seen one of his suits, you'd realize what an accurate statement that is. You see, Pop never used a tape measure. He didn't believe in it. He said he could just look at a man and tell his size, with the result that frequently he'd make a pair of pants with one trouser leg seven or eight inches longer than the other.

  Groucho Marx

  Father, Believe, Men

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  5 Copy quote

• A man who says he can see through a woman is missing a lot.-Groucho Marx
  A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

  Groucho Marx

  Men, Missing, Feels

  9 Copy quote

• Bel Air, I am convinced, was laid out by some diabolic sadist who deliberately decided not to use a compass or a surveyor.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  Groucho Marx (2008). “Memoirs Of A Mangy Lover”, p.98, Da Capo Press

  6 Copy quote

• The admission fee was a viper's tongue and a half-concealed stiletto. It was a sort of intellectual slaughterhouse.

  Groucho Marx

  Intellectual, Intelligence, Tongue

  Groucho Marx (2009). “Groucho And Me”, p.108, Da Capo Press

  9 Copy quote

• We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Inspiration, Humor

  7 Copy quote

• Anyone buying this book is going to be out a tidy sum if he is sucked in by the title. I wish I could write a real sexy book that would be barred from the mails. Apparently nothing whets a reader's appetite for literature more than the news that the author has been thrown into a federal pokey for disturbing the libido of millions of Americans.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Sexy, Real

  6 Copy quote

• Now that you're Secretary of War, what kind of an army do you think we ought to have?

  Groucho Marx

  Money, War, Firefly

  "Fictional character: Rufus T. Firefly". "Duck Soup", www.imdb.com. 1933.

  5 Copy quote

• I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  14 Copy quote

• All geniuses die young.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  5 Copy quote

• I write by ear. I tried writing with the typewriter, but I found it too unwieldy

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Inspiration, Writing

  Groucho Marx (2007). “The Groucho Letters: Letters from and to Groucho Marx”, p.133, Simon and Schuster

  7 Copy quote

• Since my daughter is only half-Jewish, could she go in the water up to her knees?

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Daughter, Humor

  5 Copy quote

• I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book.

  Groucho Marx

  Book, Reading, Writing

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  6 Copy quote

• Clowns work as well as aspirin, but twice as fast.

  Groucho Marx

  Aspirin, Clown, Wells

  7 Copy quote

• Afraid? Me? A man who's licked his weight in wild caterpillars?

  Groucho Marx

  Men, Weight, Caterpillars

  5 Copy quote

• Hey you! I told you to slow that nag down! Because of you, I almost heard the opera!

  Groucho Marx

  Hey, Opera, Because Of You

  10 Copy quote

• Today's Father Day and we're giving you a tie, it's not much you know, it's just our way of showing you, you're a regular guy.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Fathers Day, Humor

  4 Copy quote

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