Groucho Marx Quotes - Page 11

Quotes about:

• Jail is no place for a young fellow. There's no advancement.

  Groucho Marx

  Inspiration, Jail, Advancement

  "Fictional character: Hammer". "The Cocoanuts", www.imdb.com. 1929.

  4 Copy quote

• Madam, you're making history, in fact, you're making me, and I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself

  Groucho Marx

  Inspiration, Hands, Wish

  Groucho Marx (2000). “The Essential Groucho: Writings By, For, and about Groucho Marx”, Vintage

  8 Copy quote

• Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Sarcastic, Horse

  1937 Line delivered in A Day at the Races (screenplay by George Seaton, Robert Pirosh and George Oppenheimer).

  12 Copy quote

• Thirteen at a table is unlucky only,
  when the hostess has only twelve chops.

  Groucho Marx

  Inspiration, Twelve, Tables

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• Love had forged ahead so swiftly that in no time it had displaced agriculture as the leading industry of the period. To anyone who has tried both, this wont come as much of a surprise.

  Groucho Marx

  Love, Funny, Agriculture

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• Home is where you hang your head.

  Groucho Marx

  Home, Architecture, Sweet Home

  Groucho Marx (2009). “Groucho And Me”, p.40, Da Capo Press

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• A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Inspiration, Humor

  20 Copy quote

• Given the choice between a woman and a cigar, I will always choose the cigar.

  Groucho Marx

  Choices, Smoking, Cigar

  23 Copy quote

• John you say you met in an elevator. Was the elevator going up at the time, or down? This is very important, for going down in an elevator one always has that sinking feeling and for all I know you may have this confused with love. If you were going up, it is clearly a case of love at first sight.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Confused

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• Would you mind getting off that fly paper and giving the flies a chance?" "Ahhh, you can't trick me! Flies don't read papers!

  Groucho Marx

  Giving, Mind, Paper

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• The first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract-- Look, why should we quarrel about a thing like this? We'll take it right out, eh?

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  Groucho Marx (2000). “The Essential Groucho: Writings By, For, and about Groucho Marx”, Vintage

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• I'm not much of a correspondent. My letters are not only uninteresting but sparse. I'm glad I don?t have to write for a living. It?s arduous work and the money is very uncertain. On those rare occasions when I wander into a bookstore it amazes me to see the avalanche of literature and semi-literature that is turned out weekly in this country. The people who write these things are either desperate for money or love starved. Why should anyone on a nice balmy day lock oneself in an office and hit a typewriter for hours on end. I think one of the greatest pleasures in the world is not writing.

  Groucho Marx

  Country, Nice, Writing

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• Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Marriage, Crazy

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• With the possible exception of clothes, beauty salons and Frank Sinatra, there are few subjects all women agree upon.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  7 Copy quote

• Dig trenches? With our men being killed off like flies? There isn't time to dig trenches. We'll have to buy them ready made.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Crazy, Silly

  "Fictional character: Rufus T. Firefly". "Duck Soup", www.imdb.com. 1933.

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• You get a canoe later and I'll paddle you.

  Groucho Marx

  Inspiration

  "Fictional character: S. Quentin Quale". "Go West", 1940.

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• I came here for a party and what do I get? Nothing. Not even Ice cream.

  Groucho Marx

  Party, Ice Cream, Ice

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• Obviously there was no point in being a bachelor if his houseman was going to filch his booze. If he was going to get robbed, he might just as well get married.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Marriage, Might

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• Was that you or the duck?

  Groucho Marx

  Ducks

  "Fictional character: Professor Quincy Adams Wagstaff". "Horse Feathers", 1932.

  10 Copy quote

• Any place I hang my head is home.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  9 Copy quote

• If he's been married for 31 years, he's not the same man.

  Groucho Marx

  Men, Years, Married

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• Making love to your wife is like shooting at sitting ducks.

  Groucho Marx

  Love, Successful, Ducks

  Groucho Marx (2008). “Memoirs Of A Mangy Lover”, p.211, Da Capo Press

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• To write an autobiography of Groucho Marx would be as asinine as to read an autobiography of Groucho Marx.

  Groucho Marx

  Writing, Would Be, Autobiography

  Groucho Marx (2008). “Memoirs Of A Mangy Lover”, p.213, Da Capo Press

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• I met my wife on a ferry boat, and when we landed she gave me the slip

  Groucho Marx

  Inspiration, Wife, Boat

  Groucho Marx (2000). “The Essential Groucho: Writings By, For, and about Groucho Marx”, Vintage

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• The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around. If you write about someone else, you can stretch the truth from here to Finland. If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Liars

  Groucho Marx (2009). “Groucho And Me”, p.28, Da Capo Press

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