Groucho Marx Quotes - Page 5

Quotes about:

• Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women.

  Groucho Marx

  Motivational, Leadership, Witty

  49 Copy quote

• Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?

  Groucho Marx

  Sarcastic, Running, Sap

  "Fictional character: Professor Quincy Adams Wagstaff". "Horse Feathers", 1932.

  14 Copy quote

• I was born at a very early age. Before I had time to regret it, I was four and a half years old.

  Groucho Marx

  Regret, Years, Age

  Groucho Marx (2009). “Groucho And Me”, p.28, Da Capo Press

  18 Copy quote

• Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed.

  Groucho Marx

  Believe, Up Early, Bed

  Groucho Marx (2000). “The Essential Groucho: Writings By, For, and about Groucho Marx”, Vintage

  11 Copy quote

• Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Sarcastic, Thinking

  20 Copy quote

• An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of bandages and adhesive tape.

  Groucho Marx

  Tape, Adhesive, Prevention

  Groucho Marx (2000). “The Essential Groucho: Writings By, For, and about Groucho Marx”, Vintage

  21 Copy quote

• Sir, are you trying to offer me a bribe? How much

  Groucho Marx

  Inspiration, Trying, Offers

  22 Copy quote

• I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

  Groucho Marx

  Sex, Funny Relationship, Goggles

  55 Copy quote

• She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Family, Beauty

  65 Copy quote

• The Arab and the camel are inseparable. It's been said that and Arab would give up his wife rather than give up his camel. Personally, I haven't got a camel, but I think it's a great idea.

  Groucho Marx

  Giving Up, Thinking, Ideas

  17 Copy quote

• Well I thought my razor was dull until I heard his speech, and
  that reminds me of a story that's so dirty I'm ashamed to think of
  it myself.

  Groucho Marx

  Dirty, Thinking, Stories

  Groucho Marx (2000). “The Essential Groucho: Writings By, For, and about Groucho Marx”, Vintage

  13 Copy quote

• With a little study you'll go a long ways, and I wish you'd start now

  Groucho Marx

  Inspiration, Long, Wish

  Groucho Marx (2000). “The Essential Groucho: Writings By, For, and about Groucho Marx”, Vintage

  13 Copy quote

• I shall drink no #‎ wine before it's time! OK, it's time.

  Groucho Marx

  Wine, Drink

  13 Copy quote

• Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore. I realized it was killing conversation. When you're always trying for a topper you aren't really listening. It ruins communication

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Communication

  "What Color is Your Paradigm: Thinking for Shaping Life and Results". Book by Howard Edson (p. 184), 2003.

  11 Copy quote

• I have an agreement with the houseflies. The flies don't practice law and I don't walk on the ceiling.

  Groucho Marx

  Agreement, Law, Practice

  At the Circus (motion picture) (1939). Screenplay by Irving Brecher.

  25 Copy quote

• Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

  Groucho Marx

  Love, Funny, Witty

  153 Copy quote

• You've got a goal in life. I've got a goal. Now all we need is a football team.

  Groucho Marx

  Football, Team, Nfl

  30 Copy quote

• You are going Uruguay, and I'm going my way

  Groucho Marx

  Inspiration, Way, My Way

  19 Copy quote

• Oh, why can't we break away from all this, just you and I, and lodge with my fleas in the hills? I mean flee to my lodge in the hills.

  Groucho Marx

  Inspiration, Mean, Fleas

  "Fictional character: Groucho". "Monkey Business", www.imdb.com. 1931.

  18 Copy quote

• Hello, I must be going, I cannot stay, I came to say, I must be going. I’m glad I came, but just the same, I must be going.

  Groucho Marx

  Hello, Animal Crackers, Glad

  "Fictional character: Captain Jeffrey Spaulding". "Animal Crackers", www.imdb.com. 1930.

  18 Copy quote

• Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Peace, Crazy

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  13 Copy quote

• Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Crazy, Silly

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  15 Copy quote

• Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Inspiring, Money

  29 Copy quote

• It isn't so much that hard times are coming; the change observed is mostly soft times going.

  Groucho Marx

  Hard Times, Society, Prosperity

  8 Copy quote

• How would you like to feel the way she looks?

  Groucho Marx

  Inspiration, Insulting, Looks

  "Fictional character: Otis B. Driftwood". "A Night at the Opera", www.imdb.com. 1935.

  8 Copy quote

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