Groucho Marx Quotes - Page 3

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• Well, that covers a lot of ground. Say, you cover a lot of ground yourself. You better beat it - I hear they're going to tear you down and put up an office building where you're standing. You can leave in a taxi. If you can't get a taxi, you can leave in a huff. If that's too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff. You know, you haven't stopped talking since I came here? You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle.

  Groucho Marx

  Talking, Office, Tears

  "Fictional character: Rufus T. Firefly". "Duck Soup", www.imdb.com. 1933.

  59 Copy quote

• The Two Most Important Words In The World Are Honesty And Sincerity, If You Can Fake These You've Got It Made.

  Groucho Marx

  Honesty, Two, Fake

  7 Copy quote

• All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

  Groucho Marx

  Inspirational, Funny, Witty

  20 Copy quote

• Celebrate the cracks, because that's how the light comes in.

  Groucho Marx

  Light, Cracks, Celebrate

  14 Copy quote

• Time wounds all heels.

  Groucho Marx

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

  "Fictional character: S. Quentin Quale". "Go West", www.imdb.com. December 6, 1940.

  50 Copy quote

• Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Happiness, Money

  14 Copy quote

• I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Life, Work

  16 Copy quote

• Why would I want to join an organization that would encourage people like myself to become members.

  Groucho Marx

  Organization, People, Clubs

  28 Copy quote

• Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  19 Copy quote

• If we had some eggs we could have eggs and ham, if we had some ham.

  Groucho Marx

  Eggs, Stupidity, Ham

  36 Copy quote

• There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he is a crook.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Truth, Honesty

  "Donald Trump, a Populist for the Rich" by Jim Hightower, progressive.org. October 9, 2016.

  42 Copy quote

• Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Crazy

  Groucho Marx (2009). “Groucho And Me”, p.28, Da Capo Press

  40 Copy quote

• Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Sarcastic, Wedding

  44 Copy quote

• Before I speak, I have something important to say.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  22 Copy quote

• If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much - just an occasional sun visor.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Men

  51 Copy quote

• A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Running, Witty

  57 Copy quote

• I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself.

  Groucho Marx

  Inspiration, Hands, Wish

  Groucho Marx (2000). “The Essential Groucho: Writings By, For, and about Groucho Marx”, Vintage

  47 Copy quote

• Growing old is something you do if you're lucky.

  Groucho Marx

  Lucky, Growing, Ifs

  11 Copy quote

• If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  12 Copy quote

• No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Work, Men

  14 Copy quote

• When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay.

  Groucho Marx

  Inspiration, Pay, Faces

  "Fictional character: Otis B. Driftwood". "A Night at the Opera", 1935.

  28 Copy quote

• Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Life, Women

  19 Copy quote

• Will you marry me? Do you have any money? Answer the second question first.

  Groucho Marx

  Inspiration, Firsts, Answers

  60 Copy quote

• Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Peace, Crazy

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  92 Copy quote

• Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.

  Groucho Marx

  Positive, Good Morning, Happiness

  28 Copy quote

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