Erma Bombeck Quotes - Page 8

Quotes about:

• Never order food in excess of your body weight.

  Erma Bombeck

  Badass, Body Weight, Order

  8 Copy quote

• Hello there. I'm out social climbing, but if you leave your name and number and if you're anybody, I'll get back to you.

  Erma Bombeck

  Climbing, Names, Numbers

  4 Copy quote

• If God had meant us to walk around naked, he would never have invented the wicker chair.

  Erma Bombeck

  Naked, Nudity, Chairs

  17 Copy quote

• I've decided life is too fragile to finish a book I dislike just because it cost $16.95 and everyone else loved it. Or eat a fried egg with a broken yolk (which I hate) when the dog would leap over the St. Louis Arch for it.

  Erma Bombeck

  Dog, Hate, Book

  8 Copy quote

• Everyone I talked to was a recording-the bank, the elevator, your office, the school, a wrong number. You used to be able to call a wrong number and get a person.

  Erma Bombeck

  Humorous, School, Wrong Number

  Erma Bombeck (2013). “Motherhood: The Second Oldest Profession”, p.26, Open Road Media

  7 Copy quote

• My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren't that crazy about either one of us.

  Erma Bombeck

  Sister, Sibling, Crazy

  4 Copy quote

• When humor goes, there goes civilization.

  Erma Bombeck

  Happiness, Laughter, Humor

  9 Copy quote

• I became hysterical and frightened and begged for sedation. And that was just the first prenatal visit.

  Erma Bombeck

  Firsts, Hysterical, Frightened

  Erma Bombeck (1996). “Four of a Kind: A Suburban Field Guide”, Bbs Publishing Corporation

  4 Copy quote

• If compliments were food, I'd have starved to death 28 years ago.

  Erma Bombeck

  Years, Cooking, Compliment

  4 Copy quote

• I think it's time we women stopped carrying supplies for the entire family. If children don't have room to carry their own toys, if men don't have pockets in their pants, tougho.

  Erma Bombeck

  Children, Women, Thinking

  Erma Bombeck (2013). “Forever, Erma: Best-Loved Writing From America's Favorite Humorist”, p.112, Open Road Media

  4 Copy quote

• I don't know why no one ever thought to paste a label on the toilet-tissue spindle giving 1-2-3 directions for replacing the tissue on it. Then everyone in the house would know what Mama knows.

  Erma Bombeck

  Giving, House, Labels

  11 Copy quote

• It is upsetting to many parents that their teen-agers introduce them to their friends as encyclopedia salesmen who are just passing through ... if they introduce them at all. I have some acquaintances who hover in dark parking lots, enter church separately and crouch in furnace rooms so their teen-agers will not be accused of having parents.

  Erma Bombeck

  Dark, Parent, Upset

  Erma Bombeck, Bil Keane (2011). “Just Wait Till You Have Children of Your Own!”, p.101, Fawcett

  4 Copy quote

• The more I think about it, the more there is to be said for the sloth. He sleeps fifteen to eighteen hours a day and is known to have taken forty-eight days to travel four miles. He hangs in the trees after he's dead. But he lives longer than the cheetah.

  Erma Bombeck

  Funny, Taken, Sleep

  7 Copy quote

• If I raised my hand to wipe the hair out of my children's eyes, they'd flinch and call their attorney.

  Erma Bombeck

  Funny, Baby, Children

  Erma Bombeck (2013). “The Erma Bombeck Collection: If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?, Motherhood, and The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank”, p.173, Open Road Media

  4 Copy quote

• Grandmas can shed the yoke of responsibility, relax and enjoy their grandchildren in a way that was not possible when they were raising their own children. And they can glow in the realisation that here is their seed of life that will harvest generations to come.

  Erma Bombeck

  Children, Grandma, Responsibility

  Erma Bombeck (2011). “At Wit's End”, p.154, Fawcett

  4 Copy quote

• I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.

  Erma Bombeck

  Europe, Literature, Cosmetics

  26 Copy quote

• Explain to me how he [her son] can ride a bicycle, run, play ball, set up a camp, swing, fight a war, swim and race for eight hours ... and has to be driven to the garbage can.

  Erma Bombeck

  Running, War, Fighting

  6 Copy quote

• Myths that need clarification: "No matter how many times you see the Grand canyon, you are still emotionally moved to tears." False. It depends on how many children the out-of-towners brought with them who kicked the back of your seat from Phoenix to Flagstaff and got their gum caught in your hair.

  Erma Bombeck

  Children, Hair, Phoenix

  30 Copy quote

• Spend at least one Mother's Day with your respective mothers before you decide on marriage. If a man gives his mother a gift certificate for a flu shot, dump him.

  Erma Bombeck

  Mother, Memorable, Men

  7 Copy quote

• Grandma told me Mama was once caught by the Principal for writing in the front of her book, "In Case of Fire, Throw This in First." I have never had so much respect for Mama as the day I heard this.

  Erma Bombeck

  Funny, Reading, Book

  4 Copy quote

• Adults can take a simple holiday for Children and screw it up. What began as a presentation of simple gifts to delight and surprise children around the Christmas tree has culminated in a woman unwrapping six shrimp forks from her dog, who drew her name.

  Erma Bombeck

  Christmas, Dog, Children

  4 Copy quote

• There are few things in this world more satisfying than having your son teach you how to play tennis, unless it is having a semi-truck run over your foot.

  Erma Bombeck

  Running, Son, Feet

  Erma Bombeck (2013). “Forever, Erma: Best-Loved Writing From America's Favorite Humorist”, p.211, Open Road Media

  4 Copy quote

• I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only thing I ever got them to do was die in alphabetical order.

  Erma Bombeck

  Mother, Order, Literature

  7 Copy quote

• Having a delivery covered by Medicare just isn't going to fly. It's too risky for a woman to put a baby down and not remember where she left it.

  Erma Bombeck

  Baby, Down And, Remember

  4 Copy quote

• Those magazine dieting stories always have the testimonial of a woman who wore a dress that could slipcover New Jersey in one photo and thirty days later looked like a well-dressed thermometer.

  Erma Bombeck

  Sex, Food, Jersey

  9 Copy quote

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