Andy Rooney Quotes

Quotes about:

• I've learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

  Andy Rooney

  Life, Paper, Toilets

  47 Copy quote

• I've learned.... That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you... More

  Andy Rooney

  Hurt, Forgiving, I've Learned

  62 Copy quote

• Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

  Andy Rooney

  Sweet, Keeping Your Word, Cases

  56 Copy quote

• People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.

  Andy Rooney

  Believe, People, Facts

  Andy Rooney (2009). “Andy Rooney: 60 Years of Wisdom and Wit”, p.259, PublicAffairs

  69 Copy quote
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  If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.

  Andy Rooney

  Love, Happiness, Smile

  130 Copy quote

• Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?", here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!

  Andy Rooney

  Women, Smart, Pigs

  77 Copy quote
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  Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

  Andy Rooney

  Inspirational, Happiness, Happy

  140 Copy quote

• Being kind is more important than being right.

  Andy Rooney

  Important, Be Kind, I've Learned

  83 Copy quote

• I've learned... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

  Andy Rooney

  Doe, Facts, I've Learned

  11 Copy quote

• It's paradoxical, that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn't appeal to anyone.

  Andy Rooney

  Funny Life, Ideas, Long

  22 Copy quote

• Do I have opinions that might piss people off? Yes - that's what I'm here for.

  Andy Rooney

  People, Might, Opinion

  23 Copy quote
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  The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.

  Andy Rooney

  Inspirational, Funny, Dog

  188 Copy quote

• Democrats believe people are basically good but must be saved from themselves by the government. Republicans believe people are basically bad but they'll be okay if they're left alone.

  Andy Rooney

  Believe, Government, People

  11 Copy quote

• I've learned .... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

  Andy Rooney

  Docks, Bitterness, I've Learned

  31 Copy quote

• The third rule of life is this: Everything you buy today is smaller, more expensive, and not as good as it was yesterday.

  Andy Rooney

  Yesterday, Today, Life Is

  "Great lines from "60 Minutes" commentator Andy Rooney". www.cnn.com. November 5, 2011.

  11 Copy quote

• Teachers who have plugged away at their jobs for twenty, thirty, and forty years are heroes. I suspect they know in their hearts they've done a good thing, too, and are more satisfied with themselves than most people are. Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.

  Andy Rooney

  Teacher, Jobs, Hero

  35 Copy quote

• Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.

  Andy Rooney

  Health, Vegetarianism, Safety

  19 Copy quote

• A great many people do not have the right to their own opinion because they don't know what they are talking about.

  Andy Rooney

  Talking, People, Opinion

  Andy Rooney (2009). “Andy Rooney: 60 Years of Wisdom and Wit”, p.256, PublicAffairs

  18 Copy quote

• Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.

  Andy Rooney

  Baseball, Gun, Thinking

  62 Copy quote

• When it comes to educating all of us about the most basic things in life, it seems to me we need more kindergartens and fewer graduate schools.

  Andy Rooney

  Education, School, Things In Life

  7 Copy quote

• I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened. If you're lucky, it could happen to you.

  Andy Rooney

  Funny Life, Age, Lucky

  "Factbox: Quotes from '60 Minutes' commentator Andy Rooney". Compiled by Bill Trott, www.reuters.com. November 05, 2011.

  16 Copy quote

• I've learned... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.

  Andy Rooney

  Heart, Hands, Needs

  12 Copy quote

• Men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, "How can he want me the way I look in the morning?" It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve.

  Andy Rooney

  Morning, Sex, Thinking

  62 Copy quote

• Don't keep saying, "I don't know where the time goes." It goes the same place it's always gone and no one has ever known where that is.

  Andy Rooney

  Time, Gone, Knows

  16 Copy quote

• I've learned that no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

  Andy Rooney

  Needs, Matter, Serious

  50 Copy quote

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