Erma Bombeck Quotes - Page 11

Quotes about:

• I'm so bored. I went to the food locker yesterday to visit my meat.

  Erma Bombeck

  Yesterday, Boredom, Meat

  Erma Bombeck (2013). “The Erma Bombeck Collection: If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?, Motherhood, and The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank”, p.433, Open Road Media

  4 Copy quote

• Crocodiles have a smile I've seen on the face of every lawyer I've ever met.

  Erma Bombeck

  Funny, Humorous, Faces

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• In Russia, as I sat there day after day wearing headphones, listening to the interpreter struggle to make our words relevant, I wondered if we could establish meaningful rapport with a nation that had never seen raisins dance in dark glasses on TV...never had a garage sale.

  Erma Bombeck

  Meaningful, Struggle, Dark

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• I convinced him his luggage had gone to that big Bermuda Triangle in the sky.

  Erma Bombeck

  Funny, Humorous, Food

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• Not everyone is comfortable with the kissing ritual. My husband is one of them. Her refuses to press lips with anyone except his wife, mother, and dog. If someone wanted to give him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, he would refuse until he had been formally introduced.

  Erma Bombeck

  Funny, Mother, Dog

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• Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted.

  Erma Bombeck

  Sunset, Kids, Granted

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• Occasionally, once a speaker is on his feet, it is difficult to get him to sit down. ... If and when he returns to earth, he notices half of the room is paging the other half and a few are playing with the melted candles.

  Erma Bombeck

  Ifs And, Feet, Half

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• Many people are intimidated by doctors. ... People also feel stupid when they don't understand what a doctor's talking about the first time around, so they don't ask again. And let's be honest here, people. English is not a doctor's first language.

  Erma Bombeck

  Stupid, Doctors, Talking

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• When they told me I needed a mastectomy, I thought of the thousands of luncheons and dinners I had attended where they slapped a name tag on my left bosom. I always smiled and said, 'Now, what shall we name the other one?' That would no longer be a problem.

  Erma Bombeck

  Names, Dinner, Tag

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• Before we sent kids to computer camps and told them they were having a good time, there was imagination among the human species.

  Erma Bombeck

  Funny, Humor, Kids

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• Sex in the nineties is boring. The problem is that it has gone from an active act to a spectator sport. We watch people make love on television and in films. We call 900 numbers to hear what someone would do to us if they weren't sitting in a boiler room of other dirty talkers reading from a prepared script.

  Erma Bombeck

  Funny, Sports, Sex

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• Phone are wonderful instruments, but I wouldn't want our daughter to marry one.

  Erma Bombeck

  Daughter, Humorous, Phones

  Erma Bombeck, Bil Keane (2011). “Just Wait Till You Have Children of Your Own!”, p.95, Fawcett

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• God created man, but I could do better.

  Erma Bombeck

  Work, Men

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• What does it profit a 78-year-old woman to sit around the pool in a bikini if she cannot feed herself?

  Erma Bombeck

  Years, Bikinis, Doe

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• Never be in a hurry to terminate a marriage. Remember, you may need this man/woman to finish a sentence.

  Erma Bombeck

  Men, Remember You, Remembers You

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• I'm real ambivalent about [working mothers]. Those of use who have been in the women's movement for a long time know that we've talked a good game of "go out and fulfill your dreams" and "be everything you were meant to be." But by the same token, we want daughters-in-law who are going to stay home and raise our grandchildren.

  Erma Bombeck

  Daughter, Mother, Dream

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• One certainty when you travel is the moment you arrive in a foreign country, the American dollar will fall like a stone.

  Erma Bombeck

  Country, Travel, Fall

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• Babies on television never spit up on the Ultrasuede.

  Erma Bombeck

  Baby, Children, Spit Up

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• In the South Pacific, because of their size, mosquitoes are required to file flight plans.

  Erma Bombeck

  Mosquitoes, Size, Flight

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• A grandparent will accept your calls from anywhere, collect.

  Erma Bombeck

  Grandparent, Age, Aging

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• Early in my life I had made a pact with myself. I would never eat anything that moved when I cooked it, excited the dog, or inflated upon impact with my teeth.

  Erma Bombeck

  Dog, Impact, Teeth

  Erma Bombeck (1996). “Four of a Kind: A Suburban Field Guide”, Bbs Publishing Corporation

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• Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly admit they can do better are asking for it.

  Erma Bombeck

  Children, People, Parent

  Erma Bombeck (2013). “Motherhood: The Second Oldest Profession”, p.94, Open Road Media

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• The woman who says, 'My kids are all speaking to one another and they love us' is a psychopathic liar.

  Erma Bombeck

  Liars, Kids, Psychopathic

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• not all bears have their own television series. Some of them are unemployed wild animals.

  Erma Bombeck

  Animal, Television, Bears

  Erma Bombeck (2011). “I Lost Everything in the Post-Natal Depression”, p.53, Fawcett

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• Some of the best fiction writers got their start writing airline menus.

  Erma Bombeck

  Funny, Humorous, Food

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