Erma Bombeck Quotes - Page 5

Quotes about:

• Motherhood is the second oldest profession in the world. It never questions age, height, religious preference, health, political affiliation, citizenship, morality, ethnic background, marital status, economic level, convenience, or previous experience.

  Erma Bombeck

  Religious, Motherhood, Political

  Erma Bombeck (2013). “Motherhood: The Second Oldest Profession”, p.8, Open Road Media

  6 Copy quote

• A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn't charge more after midnight - or anything before midnight.

  Erma Bombeck

  Baby, Grandparent, Midnight

  Erma Bombeck (1997). “Forever, Erma: Best-Loved Writing From America's Favorite Humorist”, p.161, Andrews McMeel Publishing

  28 Copy quote

• When you look like your passport photo, it's time to go home.

  Erma Bombeck

  Travel, Home, Humor

  Erma Bombeck (1997). “Forever, Erma: Best-Loved Writing From America's Favorite Humorist”, p.2, Andrews McMeel Publishing

  6 Copy quote

• A child needs your love most when he deserves it least

  Erma Bombeck

  Children, Needs, Deserve

  10 Copy quote

• If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

  Erma Bombeck

  Soccer, Sports, Football

  Erma Bombeck (2013). “If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?”, p.151, Open Road Media

  88 Copy quote

• Most mothers entering the labor market outside the home are naive. They stagger home each evening, holding mail in their teeth, the cleaning over their arm, a lamb chop defrosting under each armpit, balancing two gallons of frozen milk between their knees, and expect one of the kids to get the door.

  Erma Bombeck

  Mother, Home, Kids

  9 Copy quote

• Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

  Erma Bombeck

  Inspirational, Witty, Happy Mothers Day

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  21 Copy quote

• People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you'll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow.

  Erma Bombeck

  Funny, Wedding, Husband

  12 Copy quote

• I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle.

  Erma Bombeck

  Inspirational, Morning, Teenage

  8 Copy quote

• How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?

  Erma Bombeck

  Next Week, Goes On, Literature

  15 Copy quote

• For the first two years of a child's life, we spend every waking hour tryibg to get the child to communicate. Then we spend the rest of our lives trying to figure out how we can reverse the process.

  Erma Bombeck

  Funny, Baby, Children

  8 Copy quote

• Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.

  Erma Bombeck

  Memorable, Futility Of Life, Terrorism

  45 Copy quote

• Once you see the drivers in Indonesia you understand why religion plays such a part in their lives.

  Erma Bombeck

  Travel, Play, Indonesia

  8 Copy quote

• Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you.

  Erma Bombeck

  Spiritual, Trying, Keep Trying

  25 Copy quote

• People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.

  Erma Bombeck

  Funny, Humorous, Doctors

  4 Copy quote

• I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18 years.'

  Erma Bombeck

  Time, Children, Views

  60 Copy quote

• My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.

  Erma Bombeck

  Family, Mom, Mother

  Erma Bombeck (2011). “I Lost Everything in the Post-Natal Depression”, p.96, Fawcett

  79 Copy quote

• I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food

  Erma Bombeck

  Funny, Humorous, Food

  60 Copy quote

• When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.

  Erma Bombeck

  Running, Dog, Children

  11 Copy quote

• I used everything you gave me.

  Erma Bombeck

  Inspirational, Inspirational Life, Meaning Of Life

  7 Copy quote

• I am always behind the shopper at the grocery store who has stitched her coupons in the lining of her coat and wants to talk about a 'strong' chicken she bought two weeks ago. The register tape also runs out just before her sub-total. In the public restroom, I always stand behind the teen-ager who is changing into her band uniform for a parade and doesn't emerge until she has combed the tassels on her boots, shaved her legs, and recovered her contact lens from the commode.

  Erma Bombeck

  Running, Strong, Two

  Erma Bombeck (2011). “I Lost Everything in the Post-Natal Depression”, p.9, Fawcett

  8 Copy quote

• The fact that Americans drag around the world by the busloads to glimpse the past probably has something to do with the youth of our country. We revere anything older than George Burns.

  Erma Bombeck

  Funny, Country, Humorous

  12 Copy quote

• Housework can kill you if done right.

  Erma Bombeck

  Work, Drinking, Done

  16 Copy quote

• What makes people laugh? . . . It's a happy marriage between a person who needs to laugh and someone who's got one to give.

  Erma Bombeck

  Laughter, People, Giving

  9 Copy quote

• My son would walk to the refrigerator-freezer and fling both doors open and stand there until the hairs in his nose iced up. After surveying $200 worth of food in varying shapes and forms, he would declare loudly, 'There's nothing to eat!'

  Erma Bombeck

  Food, Son, Hair

  4 Copy quote

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