A nation that will not enforce its laws has no claim to the respect and allegiance of its people.
Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
Democracy is four wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch.
Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
Idiot, n. A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling.
There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don't know.
War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.
Be as decent as you can. Don't believe without evidence. Treat things divine with marked respect — don't have anything to do with them. Do not trust humanity without collateral security; it will play you some scurvy trick. Remember that it hurts no one to be treated as an enemy entitled to respect until he shall prove himself a friend worthy of affection. Cultivate a taste for distasteful truths. And, finally, most important of all, endeavor to see things as they are, not as they ought to be.
The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.
When you have made a catalogue of your friend's faults it is only fair to supply him with a duplicate, so that he may know yours.
Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Strive not for singularity in dress; Fools have the more and men of sense the less. To look original is not worth while, But be in mind a little out of style.
Friendless. Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth and common sense.
An election is nothing more than the advanced auction of stolen goods.
I keep a conscience uncorrupted by religion, a judgment undimmed by politics and patriotism, a heart untainted by friendships and sentiments unsoured by animosities.
What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do it.
A revolution is a violent change of mismanagement.
TELESCOPE, n. A device having a relation to the eye similar to that of the telephone to the ear, enabling distant objects to plague us with a multitude of needless details. Luckily it is unprovided with a bell summoning us to the sacrifice.
Heaven: A place where the wicked cease from troubling you with talk of their personal affairs, and the good listen with attention while you expound on yours.
Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic.
Admiration, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
Amnesty, n. The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.
For every man there is something in the vocabulary that would stick to him like a second skin. His enemies have only to find it.
In the algebra of psychology, X stands for a woman's heart.
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