Religions are conclusions for which the facts of nature supply no major premises.
Achievement; the death of endeavor and the birth of disgust.
Funeral: a pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an expenditure that deepens our groans and doubles our tears.
Homicide, /n./ The slaying of one human by another. There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy, but it makes no great difference to the person slain whether he died by one kind or another - the classification is for the advantage of the lawyers.
Epitaph: An inscription on a tomb showing that virtues acquired by death have a retroactive effect.
When among the graves of thy fellows, walk with circumspection; thine own is open at thy feet.
ENTERTAINMENT, n. Any kind of amusement whose inroads stop short of death by injection.
ORPHAN, n. A living person whom death has deprived of the power of filial ingratitude . . .
MARTYR, One who moves along the line of least reluctance to a desired death.
SORCERY, n. The ancient prototype and forerunner of political influence. It was, however, deemed less respectable and sometimes was punished by torture and death.
IMPALE, v.t. In popular usage, to pierce with any weapon which remains fixed in the wound . . . . properly, to put to death by thrusting an upright sharp stake into the body, the victim being left in a sitting position.
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