Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.
Alliance - in international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.
Consul - in American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.
PANDEMONIUM, n. Literally, the Place of All the Demons. Most of them have escaped into politics and finance, and the place is now used as a lecture hall by the Audible Reformer.
Vote: the instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.
What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.
ADMINISTRATION, n. An ingenious abstraction in politics, designed to receive the kicks and cuffs due to the premier or president. A man of straw, proof against bad-egging and dead-catting.
Boundary, n. In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary rights of another.
SORCERY, n. The ancient prototype and forerunner of political influence. It was, however, deemed less respectable and sometimes was punished by torture and death.
Battle, n., A method of untying with the teeth a political knot that would not yield to the tongue.
I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers. What I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats.
RECOUNT, n. In American politics, another throw of the dice, accorded to the player against whom they are loaded.
PICKANINNY, n. The young of the "Procyanthropos", or "Americanus dominans". It is small, black and charged with political fatalities.
NOMINATE, v. To designate for the heaviest political assessment. To put forward a suitable person to incur the mudgobbling and deadcatting of the opposition.
DELEGATION, n. In American politics, an article of merchandise that comes in sets.
ARENA, n. In politics, an imaginary rat-pit in which the statesman wrestles with his record.
TENACITY, n. A certain quality of the human hand in its relation to the coin of the realm. It attains its highest development in the hand of authority and is considered a serviceable equipment for a career in politics.
PRESIDENCY, n. The greased pig in the field game of American politics.
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