Erma Bombeck Quotes - Page 4

Quotes about:

• There's something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she's only measured water in it.

  Erma Bombeck

  Mother, Fun, Water

  20 Copy quote

• It's [motherhood] the biggest on-the-job- training program in existence today.

  Erma Bombeck

  Jobs, Motherhood, Training

  Erma Bombeck (2013). “The Erma Bombeck Collection: If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?, Motherhood, and The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank”, p.165, Open Road Media

  4 Copy quote

• Pregnancy is the only time in a woman's life she can help God work a miracle.

  Erma Bombeck

  Pregnancy, Miracle, Helping

  6 Copy quote

• Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.

  Erma Bombeck

  Success, Determination, Greatness

  43 Copy quote

• Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.

  Erma Bombeck

  Inspirational, Dream, Lonely

  25 Copy quote

• The family. We are a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms. . . and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.

  Erma Bombeck

  Family, Sibling, Character

  57 Copy quote

• No baby shall at any time be quartered in a house where there are no soft laps, no laughter, or no love.

  Erma Bombeck

  Baby, Laughter, House

  Erma Bombeck (2013). “Forever, Erma: Best-Loved Writing From America's Favorite Humorist”, p.46, Open Road Media

  5 Copy quote

• I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night.

  Erma Bombeck

  Night, Thinking, One Day

  Erma Bombeck (2013). “Forever, Erma: Best-Loved Writing From America's Favorite Humorist”, p.340, Open Road Media

  33 Copy quote

• Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, its unplanned, it's full of suprises.

  Erma Bombeck

  Wonderful, Surprise, Spontaneity

  16 Copy quote

• There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.

  Erma Bombeck

  Happiness, Hurt, Laughter

  Erma Bombeck (2013). “The Erma Bombeck Collection: If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?, Motherhood, and The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank”, p.139, Open Road Media

  32 Copy quote

• It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line.

  Erma Bombeck

  Dream, Lines, Uncommon

  16 Copy quote

• My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.

  Erma Bombeck

  Funny, Kids, Car

  23 Copy quote

• I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.

  Erma Bombeck

  Worry, Scientist, Fattening

  10 Copy quote

• . . . but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute - look at it and really see it - live it - and never give it back.

  Erma Bombeck

  Giving, Looks, Minutes

  12 Copy quote

• It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE. Loosely translated, this means, You're on your own, Bernice.

  Erma Bombeck

  Food, Mean, Boxes

  53 Copy quote

• To say, "Well, I write when I really get into it" is a bunch of bull. Put the paper in the typewriter, stare at it a long time, get snowblindness if you have to, but write something.

  Erma Bombeck

  Writing, Typewriters, Long

  4 Copy quote

• Adults are always telling young people, 'These are the best years of your life.' Are they? I don't know. Sometimes when adults say this to children I look into their faces. They look like someone on the top seat of the Ferris wheel who has had too much cotton candy and barbecue. They'd like to get off and be sick but everyone keeps telling them what a good time they're having.

  Erma Bombeck

  Children, Best Years Of Your Life, People

  Erma Bombeck (2011). “At Wit's End”, p.142, Fawcett

  12 Copy quote

• Let me put it this way. According to my girth, I should be a ninety-foot redwood.

  Erma Bombeck

  Feet, Way, Redwoods

  Erma Bombeck (2013). “The Erma Bombeck Collection: If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?, Motherhood, and The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank”, p.110, Open Road Media

  7 Copy quote

• Never have more children than you have car windows.

  Erma Bombeck

  Funny, Life, Witty

  62 Copy quote

• Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

  Erma Bombeck

  Mom, Mother, Years

  86 Copy quote

• I love my mother for all the times she said absolutely nothing.... Thinking back on it all, it must have been the most difficult part of mothering she ever had to do: knowing the outcome, yet feeling she had no right to keep me from charting my own path. I thank her for all her virtues, but mostly for never once having said, "I told you so.

  Erma Bombeck

  Mother, Thinking, Knowing

  Erma Bombeck (2013). “Motherhood: The Second Oldest Profession”, p.183, Open Road Media

  15 Copy quote

• Kids are without a doubt the most suspicious diners in the world. They will eat mud (raw or baked) rocks, paste, crayons, ball-point pens, moving goldfish, cigarette butts, and cat food. Try to coax a little beef stew into their mouths and they look at you like a puppy when you stand over him with the Sunday paper rolled up.

  Erma Bombeck

  Moving, Cat, Kids

  Erma Bombeck (2013). “The Erma Bombeck Collection: If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?, Motherhood, and The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank”, p.292, Open Road Media

  33 Copy quote

• There is so much to teach, and the time goes so fast.

  Erma Bombeck

  Teach

  Erma Bombeck (2011). “At Wit's End”, p.143, Fawcett

  7 Copy quote

• Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.

  Erma Bombeck

  Thanksgiving, Sports, Football

  "On Being Blonde: Wit and Wisdom from the World's Most Infamous Blondes". Book by Paula Munier, p. 67, September 1, 2004.

  32 Copy quote

• For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward.

  Erma Bombeck

  Inspirational, Funny, Marriage

  24 Copy quote

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