Erma Bombeck Quotes About Children

Quotes about: Children

• All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.

  Erma Bombeck

  Funny Inspirational, Children, Parenting

• There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.

  Erma Bombeck

  Christmas, Spiritual, Morning

  Erma Bombeck (2013). “Forever, Erma: Best-Loved Writing From America's Favorite Humorist”, p.260, Open Road Media

• When mothers talk about the depression of the empty nest, they're not mourning the passing of all those wet towels on the floor, or the music that numbs your teeth, or even the bottle of capless shampoo dribbling down the shower drain. They're upset because they've gone from supervisor of a child's life to a spectator. It's like being the vice president of the United States.

  Erma Bombeck

  Mother, Retirement, Children

• Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.

  Erma Bombeck

  Summer, Mother, Hurt

• Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn't turn it on.

  Erma Bombeck

  Children, Ideas, Two

• Someday, when my children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates a mother, I'll tell them: I loved you enough to bug you about where you were going, with whom and what time you would get home. ... I loved you enough to be silent and let you discover your friend was a creep. I loved you enough to make you return a Milky Way with a bite out of it to a drugstore and confess, 'I stole this.' ... But most of all I loved you enough to say no when you hated me for it. That was the hardest part of all.

  Erma Bombeck

  Mother, Children, Home

• Children make your life important.

  Erma Bombeck

  Children, Important, Literature

  Erma Bombeck (2013). “The Erma Bombeck Collection: If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?, Motherhood, and The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank”, p.268, Open Road Media

• I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18 years.'

  Erma Bombeck

  Time, Children, Views

• I see children as kites. You spend a lifetime trying to get them off the ground. You run with them until you're both breathless. They crash . . . you add a longer tail . . . you patch and comfort, adjust and teach. You watch them lifted by the wind and assure them that someday they'll fly.

  Erma Bombeck

  Running, Children, Wind

  Erma Bombeck (2013). “Forever, Erma: Best-Loved Writing From America's Favorite Humorist”, p.85, Open Road Media

• One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.

  Erma Bombeck

  Sarcastic, Children, Funny Life

  Erma Bombeck (1997). “Forever, Erma: Best-Loved Writing From America's Favorite Humorist”, p.153, Andrews McMeel Publishing

• It's the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have...One pair that see through closed doors. Another in the back of her head...and, of course, the ones in front that can look at a child when he goofs up and reflect 'I understand and I love you' without so much as uttering a word.

  Erma Bombeck

  Mom, Mother, Children

• As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.

  Erma Bombeck

  Children, Book, School

• A child needs your love most when he deserves it least

  Erma Bombeck

  Children, Needs, Deserve

• Never have more children than you have car windows.

  Erma Bombeck

  Funny, Life, Witty

• No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.

  Erma Bombeck

  Family, Mother, Children

• Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.

  Erma Bombeck

  Children, Independence, Losing

• Adults are always telling young people, 'These are the best years of your life.' Are they? I don't know. Sometimes when adults say this to children I look into their faces. They look like someone on the top seat of the Ferris wheel who has had too much cotton candy and barbecue. They'd like to get off and be sick but everyone keeps telling them what a good time they're having.

  Erma Bombeck

  Children, Best Years Of Your Life, People

  Erma Bombeck (2011). “At Wit's End”, p.142, Fawcett

• When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.

  Erma Bombeck

  Running, Dog, Children

• Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.

  Erma Bombeck

  Mother, Children, Giving

• Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it's still snowing.

  Erma Bombeck

  Mom, Children, Home

• Myths that need clarification: "No matter how many times you see the Grand canyon, you are still emotionally moved to tears." False. It depends on how many children the out-of-towners brought with them who kicked the back of your seat from Phoenix to Flagstaff and got their gum caught in your hair.

  Erma Bombeck

  Children, Hair, Phoenix

• Adults can take a simple holiday for Children and screw it up. What began as a presentation of simple gifts to delight and surprise children around the Christmas tree has culminated in a woman unwrapping six shrimp forks from her dog, who drew her name.

  Erma Bombeck

  Christmas, Dog, Children

• Grandparenthood is one of life's rewards for surviving your own children.

  Erma Bombeck

  Children, Rewards, Surviving

• In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.

  Erma Bombeck

  Funny, Family, Children

• I read one psychologist's theory that said, "Never strike a child in your anger." When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he's recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?

  Erma Bombeck

  Family, Children, Sunday

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