W. C. Fields Quotes - Page 8

Quotes about:

• Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.

  W. C. Fields

  Water, Say Anything, Drink

  7 Copy quote

• Dentists, lawyers, doctors are all a bunch of thieving bastards.

  W. C. Fields

  Doctors, Lawyer, Dentist

  8 Copy quote

• I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.

  W. C. Fields

  Horse, Food, Meat

  6 Copy quote

• It is funnier to bend things than to break them.

  W. C. Fields

  Break

  5 Copy quote

• California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.

  W. C. Fields

  Fall, California, Rose

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• I'm looking for loopholes.

  W. C. Fields

  Loopholes

  4 Copy quote

• It is impossible to find twelve fair men in all the world.

  W. C. Fields

  Men, Justice, Twelve

  W. C. Fields (1968). “Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life”

  6 Copy quote

• I like children - fried.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Witty, Children

  11 Copy quote

• What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake which emitted a curious ticking noise? Would you plunge it into a pail of water - thus insulting Soviet cuisine in general?

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Beautiful, Humorous

  W.C. Fields (2016). “Fields for President”, p.63, Rowman & Littlefield

  4 Copy quote

• The funniest thing about comedy is that you never know why people laugh. I know what makes them laugh but trying to get your hands on the why of it is like trying to pick an eel out of a tub of water.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Humor, Hands

  7 Copy quote

• My daughter wants to throw a stone at a bad man. I stop her from throwing, shaking my head and giving her a little slap. My disapproval is complete. You think: 'That's right, she shouldn't throw a stone even at a villain.' Then I hand her a brick to throw.

  W. C. Fields

  Daughter, Men, Thinking

  6 Copy quote

• I always made up my own acts; built them out of my knowledge and observation of real life. I'd had wonderful opportunities to study people; and every time I went out on the stage I tried to show the audience some bit of true human nature.

  W. C. Fields

  Real, Opportunity, People

  6 Copy quote

• So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple act of swallowing, I will make mine whiskey.

  W. C. Fields

  Simple, Long, Swallowing

  W. C. Fields (2016). “W.C. Fields by Himself: His Intended Autobiography with Hitherto Unpublished Letters, Notes, Scripts, and Articles”, p.152, Rowman & Littlefield

  10 Copy quote

• Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.

  W. C. Fields

  May, Milk, Cry

  77 Copy quote

• I must have a drink of breakfast.

  W. C. Fields

  Breakfast, Comedy, Drink

  8 Copy quote

• I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Humor, Water

  7 Copy quote

• The Punkwat twins! Brentwood is the world's smallest giant, whilst his brother, Elwood, is the largest midget in the world. They baffle science!

  W. C. Fields

  Brother, Giants, World

  4 Copy quote

• I could juggle anything in my day. Balls, cigar boxes, knives...But there was one thing I could never juggle. My income tax.

  W. C. Fields

  Knives, Income, Balls

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• Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?

  W. C. Fields

  Vat, Comedy, Whiskey

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  57 Copy quote

• Never work with animals or children.

  W. C. Fields

  Children, Animal

  7 Copy quote

• Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.

  W. C. Fields

  Scotch, Nerves, Bartending

  45 Copy quote

• Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.

  W. C. Fields

  Pockets, Abstinence, Abstaining

  11 Copy quote

• A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.

  W. C. Fields

  Men, Needs, Intoxicated

  W. C. Fields, Ronald J. Fields (1973). “W. C. Fields by himself: his intended autobiography”, Prentice Hall

  6 Copy quote

• There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.

  W. C. Fields

  Eight, Body, Lawyer

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• Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar.

  W. C. Fields

  Drinking, House, Alcohol

  12 Copy quote

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