W. C. Fields Quotes - Page 4

Quotes about:

• I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Time, Drinking

  15 Copy quote

• How is the human race going to survive now that the cost of living has gone up two dollars a quart?

  W. C. Fields

  Cost Of Living, Race, Two

  9 Copy quote

• Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.

  W. C. Fields

  Christmas, Funny Life, Drinking

  11 Copy quote

• Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

  W. C. Fields

  Food, Drinking, Beer

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  47 Copy quote

• Never mind what I told you - you do as I tell you.

  W. C. Fields

  Mind

  "Fictional character: Commodore Jackson". "Mississippi", 1935.

  5 Copy quote

• I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.

  W. C. Fields

  Horse, Used, Steak

  "Fictional character: The Great Man". "Never Give a Sucker an Even Break", 1941.

  11 Copy quote

• If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Husband, Humorous

  W.C. Fields (2016). “Fields for President”, p.36, Rowman & Littlefield

  9 Copy quote

• You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.

  W. C. Fields

  Trust, Water, Alcohol

  25 Copy quote

• No one likes the fellow who is all rogue, but we'll forgive him almost anything if there is warmth of human sympathy underneath his rogueries. The immortal types of comedy are just such men.

  W. C. Fields

  Sympathy, Men, Forgiving

  5 Copy quote

• It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason

  W. C. Fields

  Drinking, Wine, Excellence

  62 Copy quote

• Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.

  W. C. Fields

  Nature, Night, Yards

  21 Copy quote

• I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine

  W. C. Fields

  Nine, Cigar

  11 Copy quote

• You can't cheat an honest man.

  W. C. Fields

  Truth, Honesty, Wine

  Title of motion picture (1939).

  14 Copy quote

• If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.

  W. C. Fields

  Drinking, Living My Life, Saloons

  17 Copy quote

• I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.

  W. C. Fields

  New Year, Home, Worry

  25 Copy quote

• Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

  W. C. Fields

  Drinking, Lunch, Comedy

  You Can't Cheat an Honest Man (motion picture) (1939).

  36 Copy quote

• A merry Christmas to all my friends except two.

  W. C. Fields

  Christmas, Two, My Friends

  8 Copy quote

• I never drink water... fish f**k in it.

  W. C. Fields

  Drinking, Water, Fishes

  6 Copy quote

• Sex isn't necessary. You don't die without it, but you can die having it.

  W. C. Fields

  Sex, Dies

  8 Copy quote

• Wouldn't it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.

  W. C. Fields

  Religious, Drinking, Hysteria

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

  5 Copy quote

• Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, "You can't cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!

  W. C. Fields

  Uncles, Men, Giving

  8 Copy quote

• My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.

  W. C. Fields

  Baby, Food, Health

  18 Copy quote

• I drink therefore I am.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Clever, Drinking

  18 Copy quote

• It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny Life, Men, Lucky

  You're Telling Me (motion picture) (1934).

  18 Copy quote

• Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of.

  W. C. Fields

  Leprosy, Easier

  4 Copy quote

Page 4 of 9

First

← Prev

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

Next →

• facebook
• twitter
• googleplus
• email
• linkedin