W. C. Fields Quotes - Page 9

Quotes about:

• Smile first thing in the morning. Get it over with.

  W. C. Fields

  Smile, Morning, Cynical

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• If I had my life to live over again, I'd live over a saloon.

  W. C. Fields

  Saloons, Old Hollywood, Ifs

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• Thou shalt not steal-only from other comedians.

  W. C. Fields

  Comedian, Stealing

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• The best thing to break is a contract.

  W. C. Fields

  Break, Contracts, Best Things

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• Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents)

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Humorous, Names

  W.C. Fields (2016). “Fields for President”, p.97, Rowman & Littlefield

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• The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak in a Broadway play, then they all wanted to sign me for the silent movies.

  W. C. Fields

  Movie, Play, People

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• I write my scripts short and they develop on the set, which I have found a far better premise both economically and practically.

  W. C. Fields

  Writing, Scripts, Found

  W. C. Fields (2016). “W.C. Fields by Himself: His Intended Autobiography with Hitherto Unpublished Letters, Notes, Scripts, and Articles”, p.376, Rowman & Littlefield

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• Fields' reply: He'd think I was a sissy.

  W. C. Fields

  Drinking, Thinking, Fields

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• I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.

  W. C. Fields

  Knows

  "Fictional character: The Great Man". "Never Give a Sucker an Even Break", 1941.

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• In the ten years since I had run away from home...I had gone through more strange experiences than the average person crowds into a whole lifetime.

  W. C. Fields

  Running, Home, Average

  "DVD Retro Rec: The W.C. Fields Comedy Collection" by Mark Bourne, www.mtv.com. September 29, 2008.

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• My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it?

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Humorous, Heart

  W. C. Fields (1970). “I Never Met a Kid I Liked”

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• Business is an establishment that gives you the legal, even though unethical, right to screw the naive-right, left, and in the middle.

  W. C. Fields

  Giving, Establishment, Middle

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• I would rather be living in Philadelphia.

  W. C. Fields

  Comedy, Whole

  "Vanity Fair" Magazine, 1925.

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• The low-ceiling price bazaar for sexual relief was a street called Middie Alley. You could barely get a pushcart through this avenue. Top price-twenty-five cents.

  W. C. Fields

  Twenties, Ceilings, Relief

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• Ye Gads, no! I couldn't stand the noise.

  W. C. Fields

  Wine, Noise

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• A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.

  W. C. Fields

  Men, Suffering, Lines

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• I've been on a 46-year diet of olives and alcohol. The latter I consume. The former I save and use over again in more alcohol. In my lifetime, I imagine, I have consumed at least $200,000 worth of whisky.

  W. C. Fields

  Years, Alcohol, Use

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• It's a wonderful thing, the D.T.'s. You can travel the world in a couple of hours. You see some mighty funny and curious things that come in assorted colors.

  W. C. Fields

  Couple, Color, World

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• The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.

  W. C. Fields

  Comedian, Can Do

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• Ultimately chess is just chess - not the best thing in the world and not the worst thing in the world, but there is nothing quite like it.

  W. C. Fields

  World, Chess, Worst

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• I can do anything I want to do!

  W. C. Fields

  Want, Can Do, I Can

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• After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Health, Two

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• I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.

  W. C. Fields

  Games, United States, Shells

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• I'm searching for loopholes.

  W. C. Fields

  Loopholes

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• I was almost put out of business by a well-meaning corpse.

  W. C. Fields

  Wells, Corpses

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