W. C. Fields Quotes - Page 5

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I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.

W. C. Fields

Giving Up, Beer, Alcohol

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I never eat before breakfast.

W. C. Fields

Breakfast

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I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.

W. C. Fields

Years, Drunk, Twenties

Quoted in The Quotations of W. C. Fields, ed. Martin Lewis (1976)

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Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.

W. C. Fields

Drinking, Fifth

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When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.

W. C. Fields

Inspirational, Morning, Wake Up

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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

W. C. Fields

Father, Science, Experts

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Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.

W. C. Fields

Husband, Devil, Acting

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All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.

W. C. Fields

Family, Men, Beard

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If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.

W. C. Fields

Trying, Firsts, Doe

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Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.

W. C. Fields

Mom, Towns, Restaurants

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The income tax was devised to give lawyers and certified public accountants business. Few persons can make head, tail, or middle out of it. Einstein admitted he couldn't.

W. C. Fields

Giving, Income, Tails

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Remember, Lady Godiva put all she had on a horse and she lost her shirt!

W. C. Fields

Horse, Gambling, Remember

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The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

W. C. Fields

Drinking, Cost Of Living, Alcohol

"Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.

W. C. Fields

Children, Comedy, Should

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Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.

W. C. Fields

Night, Bills, Lasts

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If a thing is worth having, it's worth cheating for.

W. C. Fields

Cheating, Ifs

"Fictional character: Cuthbert J. Twillie". "My Little Chickadee", www.imdb.com. 1940.

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All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia

W. C. Fields

Philadelphia, All Things

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W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole,'' he explained.

W. C. Fields

Bible, Book, Reading

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If I ever found a church that didn't believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it.

W. C. Fields

Believe, Church, Joining

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Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.

W. C. Fields

Life, Swimming, Innovation

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I never met a kid I liked.

W. C. Fields

Kids, Mets

W. C. Fields (1970). “I Never Met a Kid I Liked”

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Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night

W. C. Fields

Night, Philadelphia, Towns

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I've been asked if I ever get the DTs. I don't know. It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin.

W. C. Fields

Drinking, Hollywood, Ends

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I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.

W. C. Fields

Beautiful, Drinking, Wine

Never Give a Sucker an Even Break (motion picture) (1941).

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If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.

W. C. Fields

Comedy, Prosperity, Behinds

"Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

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W. C. Fields

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Born: January 29, 1880
Died: December 25, 1946
Occupation: Comedian
Cite this Page: Citation

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