W. C. Fields Quotes - Page 6

Quotes about:

• I've been barbecued, stewed, screwed, tattooed, and fried by people claiming to be my friends. The human race has gone backward, not forward, since the days we were apes swinging through the trees.

  W. C. Fields

  Race, People, Tree

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• I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach.

  W. C. Fields

  Believe, Dining, Empty

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• Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose--to make people laugh.

  W. C. Fields

  Business, People, Laughing

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• I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.

  W. C. Fields

  Drinking, Beer, Stronger

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• Buried my wife the other day. Had to, she died.

  W. C. Fields

  Wife, Buried, My Wife

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• All my available funds are completely tied up in cash.

  W. C. Fields

  Cash, Fund, Tied Up

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• I note the derogatory rumors concerning the use of alcoholic stimulants and lavish living. It is the penalty of greatness.

  W. C. Fields

  Greatness, Rumor, Use

  W. C. Fields (2016). “W.C. Fields by Himself: His Intended Autobiography with Hitherto Unpublished Letters, Notes, Scripts, and Articles”, p.143, Rowman & Littlefield

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• Variant: I was driven to drink by a woman. I am forever grateful, yet I never had the good manners to thank her.

  W. C. Fields

  Grateful, Forever, Good Man

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• During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.

  W. C. Fields

  Drinking, Wine, Water

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• Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.

  W. C. Fields

  Marriage, Things In Life, Old Friends

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• It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore; however, I'm not drinking any less either.

  W. C. Fields

  Drinking

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• I like my films to influence the audience. Even if it means tripping their aged grandparents with a cane when they get home.

  W. C. Fields

  Home, Mean, Grandparent

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• Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!

  W. C. Fields

  Drinking, Together, Bars

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• There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.

  W. C. Fields

  Real, Two, Today

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• When asked to borrow money: "I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer.

  W. C. Fields

  Money, Lawyer, Ifs

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• Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.

  W. C. Fields

  Beautiful, Drinking, Sleep

  "Fictional character: Cuthbert J. Twillie". "My Little Chickadee", www.imdb.com. 1940.

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• No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Dog, Men

  "W.C. Fields by Himself: His Intended Autobiography with Hitherto Unpublished Letters, Notes, Scripts, and Articles".

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• A man who overindulges lives in a dream. He becomes conceited. He thinks the whole world revolves around him; and it usually does.

  W. C. Fields

  Dream, Conceited, Men

  W. C. Fields (1968). “Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life”

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• I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Marriage, Wedding

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• I'd take a Bromo, but I can't stand the noise.

  W. C. Fields

  Noise, I Can

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• How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil'ss Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon - and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.

  W. C. Fields

  Beer, Devil, Encounters

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• I don't object to nine aces in one deck. But when a man lays down five aces in one hand... and besides, I know what I dealt him!

  W. C. Fields

  Men, Hands, Nine

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• Ain't fit for man nor beast

  W. C. Fields

  Men, Fit, Beast

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• I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.

  W. C. Fields

  Beer, Water, Alcohol

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• The two-headed boy in the circus never had such a headache.

  W. C. Fields

  Drinking, Boys, Two

  "Fictional character: Cuthbert J. Twillie". "My Little Chickadee", www.imdb.com. 1940.

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