W. C. Fields Quotes - Page 2

Quotes about:

• It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Money, Scams

  62 Copy quote

• Never give a sucker an even break.

  W. C. Fields

  Drinking, Wine, Break Even

  Quoted in Boston Daily Globe, 9 Sept. 1923.

  60 Copy quote

• There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Crazy, Silly

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

  17 Copy quote

• When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.

  W. C. Fields

  Drinking, Hands, Whiskey

  22 Copy quote

• A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.

  W. C. Fields

  Pain, Men, Necks

  14 Copy quote

• The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.

  W. C. Fields

  Humor, Men, Lazy

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  28 Copy quote

• Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Clever, Smart

  6 Copy quote

• A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Sarcastic, Money

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  348 Copy quote

• The advantages of whiskey over dogs are legion. Whiskey does not need to be periodically wormed, it does not need to be fed, it never requires a special kennel, it has no toenails to be clipped or coat to be stripped. Whiskey sits quietly in its special nook until you want it. True, whiskey has a nasty habit of running out, but then so does a dog.

  W. C. Fields

  Running, Dog, Special

  W. C. Fields (2016). “W.C. Fields by Himself: His Intended Autobiography with Hitherto Unpublished Letters, Notes, Scripts, and Articles”, p.150, Rowman & Littlefield

  10 Copy quote

• When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.

  W. C. Fields

  Doctors, Undertaker

  12 Copy quote

• Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.

  W. C. Fields

  Heart, Long, Worry

  22 Copy quote

• The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.

  W. C. Fields

  Wife, Needs, Splits

  15 Copy quote

• There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.

  W. C. Fields

  Children, Food, Firsts

  19 Copy quote

• Hollywood is the gold cap on a tooth that should have been pulled out years ago.

  W. C. Fields

  Should Have, Years, Gold

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  7 Copy quote

• Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.

  W. C. Fields

  Travel, Book, Drinking

  75 Copy quote

• I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

  W. C. Fields

  Hate, Prejudice, Comedy

  Quoted in Saturday Review, 28 Jan. 1967

  37 Copy quote

• Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.

  W. C. Fields

  Tragedy, Comedy, Happenings

  17 Copy quote

• Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.

  W. C. Fields

  Feet, House, Littles

  W. C. Fields (1970). “I Never Met a Kid I Liked”

  25 Copy quote

• Prayers never bring anything... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy - but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas

  W. C. Fields

  Religious, Xmas, Prayer

  W. C. Fields, Ronald J. Fields (1973). “W. C. Fields by himself: his intended autobiography”, Prentice Hall

  37 Copy quote

• No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

  W. C. Fields

  Crazy, Doubt, Degrees

  28 Copy quote

• I have a poor memory for names; but I seldom remember a face.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Memories, Humorous

  7 Copy quote

• Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Sex, Goodness

  78 Copy quote

• Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.

  W. C. Fields

  Witty, Children, Hate

  13 Copy quote

• Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Marriage, Women

  "Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life".

  12 Copy quote

• I don't drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?

  W. C. Fields

  Food, Water, Way

  42 Copy quote

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