Joan Rivers Quotes - Page 6

Quotes about:

• Any form of complacency is the kiss of death for any professional.

  Joan Rivers

  Kissing, Complacency, Form

  6 Copy quote

• my cousin Shirley, who never complains, screamed and screamed when she was having her baby. True, this was just during conception.

  Joan Rivers

  Baby, Cousin, Complaining

  Joan Rivers (1978). “Having a Baby Can Be a Scream”, Avon Books

  4 Copy quote

• I could never be in a cult. For starters, they never accessorize properly. David Koresh had no fashion sense, Jim Jones wore leisure suits, and I don't care how charismatic Osama bin Laden was, an AK-47 and an insulin drip do not take the place of drop earrings or a well-placed brooch.

  Joan Rivers

  Fashion, Ak 47, Leisure

  Joan Rivers (2014). “Diary of a Mad Diva”, p.71, Penguin

  15 Copy quote

• We all mourn in our own way. I mourn with a great steak.

  Joan Rivers

  Age, Way, Aging

  Dane Cook @DaneCook, twitter.com. September 05, 2014.

  41 Copy quote

• I think we obviously need health care. Of course we need health care, but I think that it's gone too far the other way, and I don't understand it. It's gotten so complicated. The minute they made a deal with the drug companies, you know something isn't kosher here.

  Joan Rivers

  Thinking, Drug, Care

  Source: www.washingtontimes.com

  4 Copy quote

• Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I believe when a woman enters a room, men should stand up - and gay men should stand up at least halfway.

  Joan Rivers

  Believe, Gay, Men

  Joan Rivers (2012). “I Hate Everyone...Starting with Me”, p.62, Penguin

  4 Copy quote

• On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.

  Joan Rivers

  White, Laughing, Diets

  "Can we talk?" by Linda Koehler, www.tnonline.com. September 13, 2014.

  7 Copy quote

• I can't wear yellow anymore. It's too matchy-matchy with my catheter.

  Joan Rivers

  Yellow, Age, I Can

  19 Copy quote

• Don't cook. Don't clean. No man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum.

  Joan Rivers

  Men, Making Love, Clean

  "Joan Rivers on tour: Her bitchiest putdowns and funniest one-liner jokes as she prepares for Royal Albert Hall gig" by Steve Anglesey, www.mirror.co.uk. October 09, 2012.

  4 Copy quote

• I'm in nobody's circle, I've always been an outsider.

  Joan Rivers

  Circles, Outsiders, Hillarious

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  6 Copy quote

• A Mafia guy in Vegas gave me this advice: "Run your own race, put on your blinders."

  Joan Rivers

  Running, Vegas, Race

  "Joan Rivers: Why Johnny Carson 'Never Ever Spoke to Me Again'" by Joan Rivers, www.hollywoodreporter.com. December 6, 2012.

  8 Copy quote

• I'm racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson's back when he was black.

  Joan Rivers

  Black, Racist, Back When

  8 Copy quote

• No man will ever put his hand up your dress looking for a library card.

  Joan Rivers

  Men, Hands Up, Library

  7 Copy quote

• She's so hairy - when she lifted up her arm I thought it was Tina Turner in her armpit.

  Joan Rivers

  Arms, Hillarious, Armpits

  16 Copy quote

• Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.

  Joan Rivers

  Thinking, Years, Today

  4 Copy quote

• My boobs are so low I had to put curb feelers on my nipples!

  Joan Rivers

  Nipples, Lows, Feeler

  Joan Rivers (2012). “I Hate Everyone...Starting with Me”, p.14, Penguin

  6 Copy quote

• Everyone needs a facelift, except if you are from Brooklyn then you need a nose job !!!

  Joan Rivers

  Jobs, Needs, Noses

  4 Copy quote

• Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.

  Joan Rivers

  Funny, Life, Witty

  "Joan Rivers obituary" by Michael Carlson, www.theguardian.com. September 04, 2014.

  10 Copy quote

• I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.

  Joan Rivers

  Husband, Thinking, Bed

  "Joan Rivers Quotes About Men" by Emma Overton, www.askmen.com. September 05, 2014.

  4 Copy quote

• Life is very tough, you know. You sit at a dinner party and talk to the person on your right or your left, you're going to hear something terribly sad, or horrible, or awful. And you just laugh at everything. I think it was Winston Churchill who said something like, any time you get someone to laugh, you're giving them a little vacation. It's so true. You laugh for one second, you're happy. I find in negotiations, everybody's sitting around looking so serious, I say something funny and it breaks the ice. And it's like, now we can get through this.

  Joan Rivers

  Party, Thinking, Vacation

  Source: www.chicagotribune.com

  4 Copy quote

• After we made love he took a piece of chalk and made an outline of my body.

  Joan Rivers

  Dating, Pieces, Body

  5 Copy quote

• Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.

  Joan Rivers

  4 Copy quote

• I have no sex appeal. If my husband didn't toss and turn, we'd never have had any kids.

  Joan Rivers

  Sex, Husband, Memorable

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  6 Copy quote

• I saw what's going on under my chin. I don't want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.

  Joan Rivers

  Age, President, Want

  "Joan Rivers' Private Life Marked By Joy, Tragedy". abcnews.go.com. September 06, 2014.

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• Tonight I'll be interviewing Ken Watanabe, Keisha Castle Hughes, Benecio Del Toro and Djimon Honsou - and yes, those are actors, not caterers.

  Joan Rivers

  Castles, Tonight, Actors

  4 Copy quote

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