Joan Rivers Quotes About Aging

Quotes about: Aging

• Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you're funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.

  Joan Rivers

  Funny, Years, Lucky

• At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.

  Joan Rivers

  Funeral, Comedian, Age

  Joan Rivers (2012). “I Hate Everyone...Starting with Me”, p.44, Penguin

• My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it's missing, and what's there stinks.

  Joan Rivers

  Memorable, Love Life, Missing

  "Not Forgotten", www.nytimes.com. June 8, 2015.

• I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.

  Joan Rivers

  Memorable, Laughing, Comedian

  "Cutup". Interview with Deborah Solomon, www.nytimes.com. December 31, 2008.

• We all mourn in our own way. I mourn with a great steak.

  Joan Rivers

  Age, Way, Aging

  Dane Cook @DaneCook, twitter.com. September 05, 2014.

• I hate thin people; 'Oh, does the tampon make me look fat?'

  Joan Rivers

  Hate, Memorable, People

  "Joan Rivers’ Birthday: Her Funniest Fashion Disses (PHOTOS)" by Lauren Leibowitz, www.huffingtonpost.com. June 8, 2013.

• Half of all marriages end in divorce- and then there are the really unhappy ones.

  Joan Rivers

  Breakup, Divorce, Insightful

  Joan Rivers (1997). “Bouncing back: I've survived everything-- and I mean everything-- and you can too!”, Thorndike Pr

• My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.

  Joan Rivers

  Memorable, Age, Mammograms

  "25 of Joan Rivers' best jokes", www.cnn.com. September 5, 2014.

• You know you've reached middle age when you're cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.

  Joan Rivers

  Doctors, Police, Age

  "Joan Rivers' best burns, quotes and quips" by Andrea Waguespack, www.sfgate.com. September 04, 2014.

• I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.

  Joan Rivers

  Memorable, Comedian, Wish

  "On Being Blonde" by P. Munier, (p. 84), 2004.

• I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.

  Joan Rivers

  Memorable, Alzheimer's, Comedian

  Twitter post from Jul 02, 2014

• I now consider it a good day when I don't step on my boobs.

  Joan Rivers

  Funny, Humorous, Memorable

• I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.

  Joan Rivers

  Life, Want, Aging

• Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say 'My wife makes a delicious cake' to some hooker?

  Joan Rivers

  Husband, Memorable, Cake

  "Finding The Summer Movies That Are (Well) Off The Beaten Path". "All Things Considered", www.npr.org. May 31, 2010.

• A child can be taught not to do certain things, such as touch a hot stove, pull lamps off of tables, and wake Mommy before noon.

  Joan Rivers

  Children, Memorable, Hot

• Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.

  Joan Rivers

  Thank You, Country, Fashion

• You know you're getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.

  Joan Rivers

  Retirement, Fun, Aging

• A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don't want to go through menopause again.

  Joan Rivers

  Dog, Years, Two

  FaceBook post by Joan Rivers from Aug 06, 2014

• My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

  Joan Rivers

  Funny Love, Love You, Funny Relationship

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• Age - it's the one mountain you can't overcome.

  Joan Rivers

  Mountain, Age, Overcoming

• At my age an affair of the heart is a bypass!

  Joan Rivers

  Heart, Age, Funny Valentine

• There is nothing funny about aging: It is rotten and depressing. Anyone who tells you otherwise just hasn't been paying attention.

  Joan Rivers

  Depressing, Attention, Rotten

• I don't mind aging, I just don't want to be a day older.

  Joan Rivers

  Mind, Want, Aging

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