Joan Rivers Quotes About Birth

Quotes about: Birth

• Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.

  Joan Rivers

  Daughter, Mother, Sleep

• My parents hated me. All I ever heard was, "Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia?" Shelia had died at birth.

  Joan Rivers

  Cousin, Parenting, Motherhood

• My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

  Joan Rivers

  Funny Love, Love You, Funny Relationship

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.

  Joan Rivers

  Dog, Baby, Memorable

  "Funny Ladies". Book by B. Adler, 2001.

• Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes had the baby. He was there for the birth. It would've been nice if he was there for the conception.

  Joan Rivers

  Baby, Nice, Birth

• Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.
  I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath'. For three years my husband and I slept on bunk beds.
  I'm a double bagger. Not only does my husband put a bag over my face when we're making love, but he also puts a bag over his head in case mine falls off.
  It's so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom.
  My best birth control now is to leave the lights on.

  Joan Rivers

  Mother, Sex, Pain

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