Joan Rivers Quotes About Husband

Quotes about: Husband

• Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.

  Joan Rivers

  Funny, Life, Witty

  "Joan Rivers obituary" by Michael Carlson, www.theguardian.com. September 04, 2014.

• Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say 'My wife makes a delicious cake' to some hooker?

  Joan Rivers

  Husband, Memorable, Cake

  "Finding The Summer Movies That Are (Well) Off The Beaten Path". "All Things Considered", www.npr.org. May 31, 2010.

• I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.

  Joan Rivers

  Husband, Thinking, Bed

  "Joan Rivers Quotes About Men" by Emma Overton, www.askmen.com. September 05, 2014.

• I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?' He said, 'I don't want to wake you up.'

  Joan Rivers

  Funny, Husband, Names

  "Joan Rivers dies: Celebrate comedian's life with her 80 bitchiest putdowns and funniest one-liners" by Steve Anglesey and Carl Greenwood, www.mirror.co.uk. September 04, 2014.

• I have no boobs whatsoever. On my wedding night my husband said, 'Let me help you with those buttons' and I told him, 'I'm completely naked'.

  Joan Rivers

  Husband, Night, Buttons

• I have no sex appeal. If my husband didn't toss and turn, we'd never have had any kids.

  Joan Rivers

  Sex, Husband, Memorable

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• Before we make love, my husband takes a pain killer.

  Joan Rivers

  Love, Pain, Husband

  "Third and Possibly the Best 637 Best Things Anybody Ever Said". Book by R. Byrne, 1987.

• I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.

  Joan Rivers

  Funny, Husband, Humor

  25 of Joan Rivers' best jokes, www.cnn.com. September 5, 2014.

• I said to my husband, 'my boobs have gone, my stomach's gone, say something nice about my legs.' He said, 'Blue goes with everything.'

  Joan Rivers

  Fashion, Husband, Nice

  "Joan Rivers dies: Celebrate comedian's life with her 80 bitchiest putdowns and funniest one-liners" by Steve Anglesey and Carl Greenwood, www.mirror.co.uk. September 04, 2014.

• My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day.

  Joan Rivers

  Death, Husband, Ashes

  "Joan Rivers: the best of her career in clips and quotes" by Lilah Raptopoulos, www.theguardian.com. September 04, 2014.

• Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?

  Joan Rivers

  Husband, Cake, Should

• I have no sex appeal, which kills me. The only way I can ever hear heavy breathing from my husband's side of the bed is when he's having an asthma attack.

  Joan Rivers

  Sex, Husband, Breathing

  "Should the U.S. Send Troops to Defeat ISIS?; Father Indicted for Murder in Hot Car Death; A Look at the Life of Joan Rivers". "New Day", www.cnn.com. September 5, 2014.

• My mother told me 'man on top, woman underneath.' For years my husband & I slept in bunk beds.

  Joan Rivers

  Mother, Husband, Men

• All Angelina Jolie wants to do is do good for people. And she was saying to me: If I could just make one person happy, Joan, I'll die satisfied. I said: Easy! Just give Jennifer Aniston back her husband.

  Joan Rivers

  Husband, People, Giving

• When my husband Edgar and I were courting, he said he couldn't wait to have a baby. It was only after we were married that he changed his mind and decided that I should have the baby.

  Joan Rivers

  Baby, Husband, Should Have

  Joan Rivers (1978). “Having a Baby Can Be a Scream”, Avon Books

• Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.
  I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath'. For three years my husband and I slept on bunk beds.
  I'm a double bagger. Not only does my husband put a bag over my face when we're making love, but he also puts a bag over his head in case mine falls off.
  It's so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom.
  My best birth control now is to leave the lights on.

  Joan Rivers

  Mother, Sex, Pain

• I'm a double bagger. Not only does my husband put a bag over my face when we're making love, but he also puts a bag over his head in case mine falls off.

  Joan Rivers

  Husband, Fall, Making Love

• I caused my husband's heart attack. In the middle of lovemaking I took the paper bag off my head. He dropped the Polaroid and keeled over and so did the hooker. It would have taken me half an hour to untie myself and call the paramedics, but fortunately the Great Dane could dial.

  Joan Rivers

  Husband, Taken, Heart

• Last night I asked my husband, 'What's your favorite sexual position?' and he said, 'Next door.'

  Joan Rivers

  Husband, Night, Doors

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