Joan Rivers Quotes About Age

Quotes about: Age

• At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.

  Joan Rivers

  Funeral, Comedian, Age

  Joan Rivers (2012). “I Hate Everyone...Starting with Me”, p.44, Penguin

• The fashion magazines are suggesting that women wear clothes that are 'age appropriate.' For me that would be a shroud.

  Joan Rivers

  Fashion, Clothes, Age

• I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.

  Joan Rivers

  Memorable, Laughing, Comedian

  "Cutup". Interview with Deborah Solomon, www.nytimes.com. December 31, 2008.

• We all mourn in our own way. I mourn with a great steak.

  Joan Rivers

  Age, Way, Aging

  Dane Cook @DaneCook, twitter.com. September 05, 2014.

• You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.

  Joan Rivers

  Sexy, Memorable, Age

• My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.

  Joan Rivers

  Memorable, Age, Mammograms

  "25 of Joan Rivers' best jokes", www.cnn.com. September 5, 2014.

• You know you've reached middle age when you're cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.

  Joan Rivers

  Doctors, Police, Age

  "Joan Rivers' best burns, quotes and quips" by Andrea Waguespack, www.sfgate.com. September 04, 2014.

• With age comes wisdom. You don't need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.

  Joan Rivers

  Memorable, Age, Needs

  "Remembering Joan Rivers" by Erica Diamond, www.huffingtonpost.com. September 8, 2014.

• Looking 50 is great, if you're 60.

  Joan Rivers

  Birthday, Memorable, Age

• Age - it's the one mountain you can't overcome.

  Joan Rivers

  Mountain, Age, Overcoming

• The only way I can get a man to touch me at this age is plastic surgery.

  Joan Rivers

  Men, Age, Way

  "In quotes: Joan Rivers". www.bbc.com. September 05, 2014.

• My father was a doctor so I was around death all my life. So, I was very used to it because he was a f-king doctor.

  Joan Rivers

  Kings, Father, Doctors

• When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.

  Joan Rivers

  Memorable, Men, Years

  "25 of Joan Rivers' best jokes". www.cnn.com. September 05, 2014.

• I can't wear yellow anymore. It's too matchy-matchy with my catheter.

  Joan Rivers

  Yellow, Age, I Can

• I saw what's going on under my chin. I don't want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.

  Joan Rivers

  Age, President, Want

  "Joan Rivers' Private Life Marked By Joy, Tragedy". abcnews.go.com. September 06, 2014.

• At my age an affair of the heart is a bypass!

  Joan Rivers

  Heart, Age, Funny Valentine

• Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore. I'm angry that libraries have gone. I hate children on planes. I'm very shallow, so they tend to be little things. To be honest, I think I was probably angry the day I was born, you know, about diapers or something.

  Joan Rivers

  Children, Hate, Thinking

• "I've learned what's funny verbally ain't so funny on e-mail: They don't hear your intonations. Melissa broke up with somebody over that. She tried to tell him: "That was a joke!" But he just didn't get it. Mick Jagger said, "F- 'em if they don't get the joke." And I love him. That comes with age: Knowing it's their problem, not mine."

  Joan Rivers

  Humor, I Love Him, Knowing

• Happiness, at my age, is breathing

  Joan Rivers

  Inspiration, Breathing, Age

• How to fool yourself into feeling younger: When you go to restaurants, always check a coat and a skateboard.

  Joan Rivers

  Feelings, Age, Coats

• keep moving. It's hard for old age to hit a moving target.

  Joan Rivers

  Moving, Age, Target

• old age' is always ten years more than we are.

  Joan Rivers

  Years, Age, Old Age

• Valentine's Day is different for old people. At this age I receive chocolates in boxes shaped like artificial hearts.

  Joan Rivers

  Valentine, Heart, People

  Twitter post from Feb 14, 2013

• Sold my house in LA, packed myself up and moved to New York, not knowing anybody. Friends are very hard to make after a certain age.

  Joan Rivers

  Friends, New York, Knowing

• I think we all in comedi business, especially when we reach a certain age, are divas up to a point. I love when a limousine comes for me, I can't lie about that. I love when you go to a restaurant and they say, "Come this way, Miss Rivers," and you get a good table. I love all that, the perks that come with the business.

  Joan Rivers

  Lying, Thinking, Missing

  Source: www.chicagotribune.com

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