Joan Rivers Quotes - Page 9

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• And since we're all adults here, let's be brutally honest-most babies are not actually attractive. In fact, they're weird and freakish looking. A large percentage of them are squinty-eyed and bald and their faces are all mushed toegther, kind of like Renee Zellweger pushed up against a glass window.

  Joan Rivers

  Baby, Parenting, Motherhood

  Joan Rivers (2012). “I Hate Everyone...Starting with Me Deluxe”, p.19, Penguin

  4 Copy quote

• The last time I appeared in Las Vegas, they were wearing hoop skirts and Davy Crockett hats, ... But they say 'What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.' And as far as fashion is concerned, that's a good thing.

  Joan Rivers

  Fashion, Vegas, Lasts

  7 Copy quote

• Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?

  Joan Rivers

  Husband, Cake, Should

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• I love gay and lesbian parents. But I think we need a law that says lesbians and gay men have to raise their children together. This way, the kids would not only know how to build bookshelves, but they'd also instinctively know how to decorate them.

  Joan Rivers

  Children, Kids, Gay

  Joan Rivers (2012). “I Hate Everyone...Starting with Me”, p.21, Penguin

  4 Copy quote

• I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny. And when you're very, very happy, you're not very funny. You're just happy. I'd rather be damaged and funny.

  Joan Rivers

  Thinking, Very Happy

  Source: www.avclub.com

  4 Copy quote

• Acting is my true love. I would like to have been a serious actor, and I plan to in the next life. I'm gonna be Meryl Streep Rivers.

  Joan Rivers

  Memorable, Rivers, Acting

  4 Copy quote

• Mel Gibson's father doesn't think there was a Holocaust? Great. I don't think there's a movie. We're even.

  Joan Rivers

  Father, Thinking, Holocaust

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• I am a dyke! And I'm damn proud of it!

  Joan Rivers

  Dykes, Proud, Damn

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  7 Copy quote

• to maintain success, stamina is more important than talent. You have to learn to be a marathon runner.

  Joan Rivers

  Success, Perseverance, Important

  10 Copy quote

• Welcome to my world! I've been through it all, and I often pinch myself to believe my luck. I design jewlery, create cosmetics, perform comedy, act, lecture, write books, travel, have a fabulous daughter, and a phenomenal grandson-and I feel I'm the luckiest woman on the planet.

  Joan Rivers

  Daughter, Believe, Book

  18 Copy quote

• Age - it's the one mountain you can't overcome.

  Joan Rivers

  Mountain, Age, Overcoming

  7 Copy quote

• I will only praise someone who can't take anything away from me.

  Joan Rivers

  Praise

  5 Copy quote

• I don't think there'd be a Tina Fey now if I hadn't tried to look good in the beginning.

  Joan Rivers

  Thinking, Fey, Looks

  4 Copy quote

• Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly - hurt, bitterness, grief and, most of all, fear.

  Joan Rivers

  Hurt, Fear, Grief

  "Reader's Digest Quotable Quotes" by Readers Digest, (p. 87), 1997.

  12 Copy quote

• My father was a doctor so I was around death all my life. So, I was very used to it because he was a f-king doctor.

  Joan Rivers

  Kings, Father, Doctors

  4 Copy quote

• The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.

  Joan Rivers

  Beauty, Makeup, Found

  8 Copy quote

• A German sense of humor is an oxymoron.

  Joan Rivers

  Sense Of Humor, Oxymoron

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• I can't like watching Project Runway with Heidi Klum. There's just something wrong about a German woman saying who goes and who stays

  Joan Rivers

  Projects, Runway, Heidi

  4 Copy quote

• I hate McDonald's. I don't want to order my dinner by yelling into a clown's mouth. If I want my face in a clown's mouth, I'll tongue kiss Glenn Beck.

  Joan Rivers

  Hate, Kissing, Yelling

  6 Copy quote

• Gay marriage, I am so against it because if all my gay friends get married, it will cost me a fortune in gifts.

  Joan Rivers

  Gay, Cost, Married

  Source: www.cnn.com

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• What are people going to do? Fire me? I've been fired before. Not book me? I've been out of work before. I don't care.

  Joan Rivers

  Book, Fire, People

  12 Copy quote

• How to fool yourself into feeling younger: When you go to restaurants, always check a coat and a skateboard.

  Joan Rivers

  Feelings, Age, Coats

  4 Copy quote

• They almost had to cancel the Oscars tonight because all of the designers and stylists are still in line in San Francisco trying to marry one another.

  Joan Rivers

  San Francisco, Trying, Tonight

  4 Copy quote

• I don't mind aging, I just don't want to be a day older.

  Joan Rivers

  Mind, Want, Aging

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• The fun of working on the road means stealing from hotels. I've been doing it for so long, I have a set of towels from the Ark.

  Joan Rivers

  Fun, Memorable, Mean

  Twitter post from Jun 26, 2014

  4 Copy quote

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