Demetri Martin Quotes - Page 15

Quotes about:

• I would like a ship for the hips, please. Ships and hips. Hipsters to stir with their hips on the hip ships. And, of course, hips. Yeah, hip. That's me. I also like sips. I'm a slow drinker. A sipster. I'm a sipster hipster comedian. Yeah, sips. But more hips. Hip, hipster, hip star, hiptard. Definitely.

  Demetri Martin

  Stars, Hipster, Comedian

  Source: www.avclub.com

  9 Copy quote

• I thought I would, you know, go to college, get to law school, finish, and then get a job and work as a lawyer, but that proved to be not a good fit for me.

  Demetri Martin

  Jobs, School, College

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• The planets. Now footnote, I'm including Pluto in the planets, because I think it's terrible what they did to Pluto. And it's still a planet to me. I grew up with Pluto as a planet, it will always be a planet.

  Demetri Martin

  Thinking, Pluto, Grew

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• Use crazy glue and nails to turn a rocking chair into just a chair that looks like a rocking chair.

  Demetri Martin

  Crazy, Glue, Nails

  Twitter post from Jun 24, 2012

  8 Copy quote

• Sometimes I like to go outside without even checking the weather first.

  Demetri Martin

  Weather, Firsts, Sometimes

  Twitter post from Feb 27, 2013

  4 Copy quote

• Sometimes heckling can almost help a set, because it ratchets up the tension in the room... can even bring things to a climax.

  Demetri Martin

  Heckling, Rooms, Ratchets

  7 Copy quote

• Another thing that I like and that's fun for me is to try and talk and play music at the same time, because I feel like I'm learning something. There are these little challenges built into it; it's a way to push myself a little bit more as a performer.

  Demetri Martin

  Fun, Play, Challenges

  Source: www.isthmus.com

  8 Copy quote

• Once I started to look i finally began to see.

  Demetri Martin

  Looks

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• I find that a shirt is most similar to a napkin when I don't have a napkin.

  Demetri Martin

  Napkins, Shirts

  Twitter post from Jun 27, 2014

  13 Copy quote

• Right before I'm about to talk at length about something I like I say, Get me started.

  Demetri Martin

  Length

  Twitter post from Aug 17, 2012

  4 Copy quote

• How many of you are creative? I don't know, but for me, when you make a bunch of things over time and then you keep them... you forget. I look through my sketchbooks and I'm an audience for myself.

  Demetri Martin

  Creative, Looks, Sketchbooks

  18 Copy quote

• I've learned something on the road, traveling around: state shapes. The easier it is to draw the shape of the state, the harder it is to live in that state. So, if you live in a regular polygon, get the hell outta there. You gotta move to a squiggly area. Culture's attracted to squiggles.

  Demetri Martin

  Moving, Culture, Shapes

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• I like birthdays because we celebrate life with cakes. It's so cool. Sometimes when I see a baby, I'm like that much more cake in the world. But then when someone dies, I'm like the cake streak is over.

  Demetri Martin

  Funny, Baby, Humor

  6 Copy quote

• How to be a bouncer: be an asshole; stand near a door.

  Demetri Martin

  Doors

  5 Copy quote

• My friend named his car. And I don't want to be judgemental, but... what a dork.

  Demetri Martin

  Funny, Humor, Car

  4 Copy quote

• At any minute, I am four minutes from a poncho.

  Demetri Martin

  Four, Ponchos, Minutes

  6 Copy quote

• Everybody knew that you should never provoke a rattlesnake, much less tie it into a bow. But that didn't stop Judd. What did stop him was the rattlesnake.

  Demetri Martin

  Ties, Bows, Should

  4 Copy quote

• It feels like every day or two, people on Twitter and the Internet are outraged about something.

  Demetri Martin

  Two, People, Internet

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• Suicide is the #1 killer of a person who is in a boat and happens to be passing under a bridge at the wrong time.

  Demetri Martin

  Suicide, Bridges, Killers

  Demetri Martin (2011). “This Is a Book”, p.40, Hachette UK

  7 Copy quote

• What's this about rice milk? I didn't even know rice had nipples!

  Demetri Martin

  Nipples, Milk, Rice

  10 Copy quote

• If I were blind, I'd wear a blindfold all the time.

  Demetri Martin

  Blind, Blindfolds, Ifs

  10 Copy quote

• It's weird to make a decision where everyone in your life disapproves, pretty vocally and directly. They said, "You've got one year left. Just do it." I had a full scholarship so I didn't have to pay for it. They asked, "Why don't you just get the degree so you can have it?" And I said, "You don't understand. I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do and now I know. I have the answer and it's dumb to waste any more time."

  Demetri Martin

  Years, Decision, Dumb

  Interview with Litsa Dremousis, www.believermag.com. February 2006.

  4 Copy quote

• A human head looks the least scary when it is attached.

  Demetri Martin

  Scary, Looks, Humans

  Twitter post from May 14, 2013

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• It is illegal to yell “fire” in a crowded theater. If there is a fire, please yell something else instead, like “Flames!” or “Smoke maker!” or “Bad hot!

  Demetri Martin

  Fire, Flames, Hot

  52 Copy quote

• Turtles are greater than baby nephews, because it's ok to drop a turtle.

  Demetri Martin

  Baby, Turtles, Nephew

  15 Copy quote

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