Bo Burnham Quotes

Quotes about:

• 

  Quotes are for dumb people who can't think of something intelligent to say on their own.

  Bo Burnham

  Funny, Humor, Intelligent

  Twitter post from Jul 20, 2010

  183 Copy quote
• 

  Laughter is the best medicine, y'know, besides medicine.

  Bo Burnham

  Laughter, Medicine, Laughter Is The Best Medicine

  "Words, Words, Words". Stand-up comedy routine by Bo Burnham, 2010.

  117 Copy quote

• What's important is that you stay true to yourself. Because when you enter the real world, the most valuable thing you can bring is all your you-ness. The world doesn't need any more hot chicks or tough guys or smooth talkers - the world needs more you. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

  Bo Burnham

  Real, Guy, Important

  169 Copy quote

• I stopped and I thought, 'What would Jesus do?' So I didn't exist.

  Bo Burnham

  Funny, Jesus, Humor

  108 Copy quote

• I love you just the way you are but you don't see you like I do. You shouldn't try so hard to be perfect. Trust me, perfect should try to be you.

  Bo Burnham

  Love You, Perfect, Trying

  149 Copy quote
• 

  Once a week, I like to slip into a deep existential depression where I lose all my sense of oneness and self-worth.

  Bo Burnham

  Self Worth, Oneness, Existential

  159 Copy quote

• If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land?

  Bo Burnham

  Jesus, Land, Water

  Song: #Deep, 2013

  122 Copy quote
• 

  Squaring numbers are just like women. If they're under thirteen, just do them in your head.

  Bo Burnham

  Numbers, Thirteen, Ifs

  Song: New Math

  116 Copy quote

• I saw a giraffe with a short neck
  That was sad
  Or a deer

  Bo Burnham

  Deer, Saws, Necks

  148 Copy quote

• Maybe life on earth could be heaven, doesn't just the thought of it make it worth a try?

  Bo Burnham

  Heaven, Trying, Earth

  Song: From God's Perspective

  98 Copy quote

• What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names.

  Bo Burnham

  Kids, Names, Arms

  Song: Traditional Stand-Up, Album: Words Words Words, 2010

  85 Copy quote

• No one entertains the thought that maybe God does not believe in you.

  Bo Burnham

  Believe, Doe, Believe In You

  Song: From God's Perspective

  24 Copy quote

• If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I'd still say no.

  Bo Burnham

  Funny, Humor, Guy

  Song: Ex-Girlfriend Racial Humor, Album: Words Words Words, 2010

  110 Copy quote

• Where are all the sour patch parents?

  Bo Burnham

  Funny, Humor, Parent

  Song: Binary Reality, Album: Words Words Words, 2010

  88 Copy quote

• How old is too old to stop believing in, like, the tooth fairy? Like 12? I've got a cousin who is 18... Yeah, still believes in gay marriage.

  Bo Burnham

  Cousin, Believe, Gay

  Song: Theoretical Dick Jokes

  123 Copy quote

• Was Einstein's theory good? Relatively.

  Bo Burnham

  Funny, Humor, Theory

  Song: Bo' Fo' Sho', Album: Bo Fo Sho

  47 Copy quote

• All you god damn dirty Catholics can cath-o-lick my balls.

  Bo Burnham

  Funny, Dirty, Humor

  Song: Klan Kookout, Album: Bo Burnham

  23 Copy quote

• I masturbate 'cause I'm the only one whose standards are low enough to f-k me.

  Bo Burnham

  Causes, Enough, Lows

  102 Copy quote

• I don't need anything as long as I have my family, friends, millions of dollars, unlimited pussy.

  Bo Burnham

  Long, Pussy, Dollars

  Reddit AMA, www.reddit.com. December 19, 2013.

  90 Copy quote

• Poetic talent is really easy to fake when thy sentences doth no f-king sense make.

  Bo Burnham

  Kings, Fake, Talent

  67 Copy quote

• The classic comedian says there's nothing that's taboo; if you laugh at one thing you've got to laugh at everything, that comedy is taking people to dark areas and showing them the light.

  Bo Burnham

  Dark, Light, Laughing

  Source: thelatest.co.uk

  83 Copy quote

• I like to call everyone that I find slightly annoying a 'sociopath.'

  Bo Burnham

  Annoying, Sociopath

  33 Copy quote

• Do unto others as you would have them do to you, said the rapist.

  Bo Burnham

  Bible, Jesus, Kindness

  Song: Haikus Sonnet Shakespeare, Album: Words Words Words, 2010

  42 Copy quote

• Is there anything better than pussy? Yeah, a really good book.

  Bo Burnham

  Book, Pussy, Good Book

  30 Copy quote

• People do complain about the way I act on stage... They think on stage I act too arrogant, too self-obsessed, solecistic, self-contained, synonyms.

  Bo Burnham

  Thinking, Self, People

  88 Copy quote

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