Demetri Martin Quotes About Jesus

Quotes about: Jesus

• I set a personal record on Christmas. I got my shopping done three weeks ahead of time. I had all the presents back at my apartment, I was halfway through wrapping them, and I realized, 'Damn, I used the wrong wrapping paper.' The paper I used said, 'Happy Birthday.' I didn't want to waste it, so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.

  Demetri Martin

  Funny, Christmas, Jesus

• I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.

  Demetri Martin

  Funny, Birthday, Christmas

  "Comedy Central Presents/ Demetri Martin". Documentary, Comedy, www.imdb.com. 2004.

• Mosquito bites Jesus, receives communion.

  Demetri Martin

  Jesus, Mosquitoes, Communion

  FaceBook post by Demetri Martin from Nov 24, 2013

• The chances of someone who looks like Jesus having pot raises steadily, to a point. If the guy is on a cross you may have the wrong guy.

  Demetri Martin

  Jesus, Guy, Looks

• I like when people wear a WWJD bracelet, because it's like an example of the first thing Jesus wouldn't do, probably.

  Demetri Martin

  Jesus, People, Example

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