John Oliver Quotes

Quotes about:

• You don't need people’s opinion on a fact. You might as well have a poll asking: ‘Which number is bigger, 15 or 5?’ or ‘Do owls exist?’ or ‘Are there hats?'

  John Oliver

  Numbers, People, Owl

  "Cookie Monster Pretty Much Loses It After John Oliver Asks Him ‘What’s A Cookie?’" By Leigh Weingus, www.huffingtonpost.com. November 6, 2014.

  100 Copy quote

• Democracy is like a tambourine, not everyone can be trusted with it.

  John Oliver

  Democracy, Trusted

  45 Copy quote

• Drug companies are a bit like high school boyfriends - they're much more concerned with getting inside you than being effective once they're in there.

  John Oliver

  School, Drug, Company

  YouTube Channel "LastWeekTonight"/"Marketing to Doctors: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO)", www.youtube.com. February 08, 2015.

  82 Copy quote

• The Confederate flag is one of those things that should only be seen on t-shirts, belt buckles and bumper stickers to help the rest of us identify the worst people in the world.

  John Oliver

  People, Flags, World

  60 Copy quote

• Economics is like the Dutch language - I'm told it makes sense, but I have my doubts.

  John Oliver

  Doubt, Dutch, Language

  59 Copy quote

• I think the best analogy for where we are right now is that America is Elvis Presley -- the most beautiful, talented, rebellious nation in the history of Earth. And now, you're in your Vegas years. You've squeezed yourself into a white jumpsuit, you're wheezing your way through 'Love Me Tender' and you might be about to pass away bloated on the toilet. But you're still the King.

  John Oliver

  Beautiful, Kings, Thinking

  80 Copy quote

• One thing that America is objectively exceptional at is overreacting whenever anyone accuses them of not being exceptional.

  John Oliver

  America, Exceptional, One Thing

  58 Copy quote

• Believe it or not the war on Iraq is based on a sound scientific principle, The bee hive principle. Which clearly states that if you are stung by a bee, you should follow it back to its nest and then proceed to beat nest to a pulp with a baseball bat until the stripey little turd has learned its lesson.

  John Oliver

  Baseball, War, Believe

  65 Copy quote

• Everybody should care about facts. That is something all of us should agree on.

  John Oliver

  Care, Facts, Should

  Source: www.npr.org

  7 Copy quote

• News is not a game show. You don't win a car if you happen to be right.

  John Oliver

  Winning, Games, Car

  "John Oliver Slams Media’s Edward Snowden Speculation: ‘Stop Guessing, News Is Not A Game Show’", www.huffingtonpost.com. June 25, 2013.

  66 Copy quote

• According to current Florida law you can get a gun, follow an unarmed minor, call the police, have them explicitly tell you to stop following [the minor] and choose to ignore that, keep following the minor, get into a confrontation with them, and if at any point during that process you get scared you can shoot the minor to death, and the state of Florida will say, 'Well, look: you did what you could.'

  John Oliver

  Gun, Law, Florida

  58 Copy quote

• You don't need people's opinion on a fact.

  John Oliver

  People, Needs, Facts

  "John Oliver & Bill Nye School Climate Change Skeptics On ‘Last Week Tonight’" by Katherine Fung, www.huffingtonpost.com. May 12, 2014.

  17 Copy quote

• I'm British. I don't really have access to my emotions on a daily basis.

  John Oliver

  Emotion, British, Bases

  "John Oliver talks ‘The Daily Show,’ Colbert & his new HBO series". Interview with Alan Sepinwall, uproxx.com. April 25, 2014.

  8 Copy quote

• Anybody who claims to be excited for April Fools' Day is probably a sociopath.

  John Oliver

  Fools Day, April, Excited

  "John Oliver Hates April Fools' Day, Says It's for Sociopaths". www.hollywoodreporter.com. March 30, 2015.

  53 Copy quote

• I think deep down, this planet yearns for the days of the British Empire again. They long once more to be treated that badly, that politely. We did far worse things than you can possibly dream of, but we did it with that certainly gentlemanly swagger... Dreadfully sorry, but we seem to have crushed your entire continent's infrastructure. Allow me to make it up to you by offering you a job 4,000 miles away. No, no, I insist.

  John Oliver

  Dream, Jobs, Sorry

  9 Copy quote

• Congress never loses its capacity to disappoint you.

  John Oliver

  Congress, Capacity, Disappoint

  29 Copy quote

• It's a great time to be doing political satire when the world is on a knife edge.

  John Oliver

  Knives, Political, World

  "From our own correspondent". Interview with Edward Helmore, www.theguardian.com. July 23, 2007.

  35 Copy quote

• As a general rule, no one should ever be allowed to say there is no history of racial tension here, because that sentence has never been true anywhere on Earth.

  John Oliver

  Earth, Should, Tension

  "John Oliver Brilliantly Eviscerates Police Militarization in Ferguson". "Last Week Tonight" with John Oliver, mic.com. August 18, 2014.

  11 Copy quote

• Ads are baked into content like chocolate chips into a cookie. Except, it’s actually more like raisins into a cookie - because nobody f-‍-‍-ing wants them there.

  John Oliver

  Chocolate, Cookies, Want

  "8 Myths About Native Advertising That Are Almost Entirely Untrue". www.huffingtonpost.com. August 26, 2014.

  38 Copy quote

• Campaign ads are the backbone of American democracy if American democracy suffered a gigantic spinal injury.

  John Oliver

  Funny, Democracy, Campaigns

  "John Oliver’s Campaign Ad Formula: F.L.A.G.S". www.huffingtonpost.com. July 31, 2012.

  26 Copy quote

• I have exactly as much rhythm as you think I have.

  John Oliver

  Thinking, Rhythm

  14 Copy quote

• I get nostalgic for British negativity. There is an inherent hope and positive drive to New Yorkers. When you go back to Britain, everybody is just running everything down. It's like whatever the opposite of a hug is.

  John Oliver

  Running, Opposites, Negativity

  "Guest Host John Oliver Will Try Not to Destroy 'The Daily Show'". Interview with Marisa Guthrie, www.hollywoodreporter.com. May 31, 2013.

  7 Copy quote

• People are always going to say stupid things, and you're always going to be able to make jokes about that, but it should be the last thing you add in, because it's the easiest thing.

  John Oliver

  Stupid, People, Add

  "John Oliver: a very British coup". Interview with Oliver Burkeman, www.theguardian.com. June 7, 2013.

  39 Copy quote

• Once you learn how to make people laugh, then you get to choose exactly how you want to make them laugh.

  John Oliver

  People, Laughing, Want

  46 Copy quote

• Politics has become infused with narcissism in America.

  John Oliver

  America, Narcissism

  "Guest Host John Oliver Will Try Not to Destroy 'The Daily Show' (Q&A)". Interview with Marisa Guthrie, www.hollywoodreporter.com. May 31, 2013.

  39 Copy quote

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