Woody Allen Quotes - Page 12

Quotes about:

• Let's say there was no terrorism whatsoever and we were all very nice to one another and we were all kind, we still would be faced with an extremely cruel and hostile universe and existence and so I'm a great pessimist and I feel that it's impossible really to be happy, and that the best you can hope for is to be distracted.

  Woody Allen

  Nice, Would Be, Impossible

  Interview with Geoff Andrew, www.theguardian.com. September 27, 2001.

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• Should I marry W.? Not if she won't tell me the other letters in her name.

  Woody Allen

  Funny, Humorous, Names

  Woody Allen, Robert E. Kapsis, Kathie Coblentz (2006). “Woody Allen: Interviews”, p.151, Univ. Press of Mississippi

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• And in all of Babylonia there was wailing and gnashing of teeth, 'til the prophets bade the multitudes get a grip on themselves and shape up.

  Woody Allen

  Teeth, Shapes, Prophet

  Woody Allen (2007). “The Insanity Defense: The Complete Prose”, Random House Incorporated

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• Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

  Woody Allen

  Death, Witty, Humorous

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• I can't do anything to death, doctor's orders.

  Woody Allen

  Doctors, Order, I Can

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• Those who can't do, teach. And those who can't teach, teach gym.

  Woody Allen

  Witty, Humorous, Annie Hall

  Woody Allen, Marshall Brickman (2000). “Annie Hall: scénario bilingue”

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• Child molestation is a touchy subject... Read the papers! Half the country's doing it!

  Woody Allen

  Country, Children, Half

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• Arlene and I have to get a divorce. She thinks I'm a pervert because I drank our water bed.

  Woody Allen

  Divorce, Thinking, Water

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• I do believe that reality is dreadful and that you are forced to choose it in the end or go crazy, but that it kills you.

  Woody Allen

  Crazy, Believe, Reality

  Interview with Douglas McGrath, www.interviewmagazine.com. September 1, 2008.

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• I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

  Woody Allen

  Funny, Team, Chess Game

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• I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

  Woody Allen

  Inspirational, Funny, Witty

  Audio CD "Woody Allen: Stand-Up Comic 1964-1968", 1999.

  45 Copy quote

• If 90% of success in life is showing up, the other 10% depends on what you're showing up for.

  Woody Allen

  Goal, Showing Up, Life Is

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• I believe in sex and death- two experiences that come once in a lifetime.

  Woody Allen

  Sex, Believe, Two

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• My grandfather had a wonderful funeral... On the buffet table there was a replica of the deceased in potato salad.

  Woody Allen

  Food, Funeral, Cooking

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• If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.

  Woody Allen

  Inspirational, Motivational, Positive

  "Shakespeare, Woody Allen And A Certain Qantas A380" by Christine Negroni, www.huffingtonpost.com. April 23, 2012.

  17 Copy quote

• I recently turned 60. Practically a third of my life is over.

  Woody Allen

  Birthday, Life Is, Thirds

  The Observer Review, 1996.

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• The heart wants what it wants. There's no logic to these things. You meet someone and you fall in love and that's that.

  Woody Allen

  Love, Fall, Heart

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• As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

  Woody Allen

  Sarcastic, Nature, Sarcasm

  Woody Allen (2007). “The Insanity Defense: The Complete Prose”, Random House Incorporated

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• Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.

  Woody Allen

  Funny, Life, Humor

  "Fictional character: Alvy Singer". "Annie Hall", www.imdb.com. 1977.

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• You're still in love' 'No I'm not, I'm not She'll always be a part of me, and she's an important person in my life but for the two of us something wasn't working.' 'What element?' 'We never found out

  Woody Allen

  Two, Important, Elements

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• I don't want to be immortal through my works. I want to be immortal by not dying.

  Woody Allen

  Death, Suicide, Dying

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• I've gained no wisdom, no insight, no mellowing. I would make all the same mistakes again, today.

  Woody Allen

  Mistake, Today, Same Mistakes

  "Woody: Marriage to Soon-Yi Has 'Paternal' Feeling". www.foxnews.com. November 01, 2005.

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• Honey! Bring down a copy of my will - and an eraser!

  Woody Allen

  Witty, Humorous, Honey

  "Fictional character: Bob". "Everyone Says I Love You", 1996.

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• I wonder if Socrates and Plato took a house on Crete during the summer.

  Woody Allen

  Summer, Plato, House

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• There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far is it from midtown and how late is it open?

  Woody Allen

  Witty, New York, Humorous

  Woody Allen (2007). “The Insanity Defense: The Complete Prose”, Random House Incorporated

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