Annie Hall Quotes

• I would never wanna belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member.

  Woody Allen

  Clubs, Members, Like Me

  Woody Allen, Marshall Brickman (2000). “Annie Hall: scénario bilingue”

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• This guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, Doc, my brother’s crazy. He thinks he’s a chicken. The doctor says, Well, why don’t you turn him in? And the guy says, I would but I need the eggs. Well I guess that’s pretty much how I feel about relationships. You know they’re totally irrational and crazy and absurd but I guess we keep going through it because, uh, most of us need the eggs.

  Woody Allen

  Witty, Brother, Crazy

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• Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.

  Woody Allen

  Movie, Sex, Humorous

  Annie Hall (motion picture) (1977). Cowritten with Marshall Brickman.

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• I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage is being able to make a right turn on a red light.

  Woody Allen

  Moving, Cities, Light

  Annie Hall, www.imdb.com. 1977.

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• Love is too weak a word for what I feel - I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F's, yes.

  Woody Allen

  Romantic, Love Is, Two

  Annie Hall, www.imdb.com. 1977.

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• I think a relationship is like a shark. It has to constantly move forward or it dies.

  Woody Allen

  Relationship, Moving, Thinking

  Annie Hall (motion picture) (1977). Cowritten with Marshall Brickman.

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• Sylvia Plath. Interesting poetess whose tragic suicide was misinterpreted as romantic by the college-girl mentality.

  Woody Allen

  Girl, Suicide, College

  Woody Allen, Marshall Brickman (2000). “Annie Hall: scénario bilingue”

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• In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.

  Woody Allen

  Funny, Sarcastic, Witty

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• I don't respond well to mellow, you know what I mean, I have a tendency to... if I get too mellow, I ripen and then rot.

  Woody Allen

  Funny, Mean, Drug

  Woody Allen, Marshall Brickman (2000). “Annie Hall: scénario bilingue”

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• Honey, there's a spider in your bathroom the size of a Buick.

  Woody Allen

  Spiders, Honey, Size

  "Annie Hall". www.imdb.com. 1977.

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• I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

  Woody Allen

  Inspirational, Funny, Witty

  Audio CD "Woody Allen: Stand-Up Comic 1964-1968", 1999.

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• Know what you're talking about.

  George H. W. Bush

  Knowing Jesus, Talking, Scary

  George H.W. Bush (2013). “All the Best, George Bush: My Life in Letters and Other Writings”, p.99, Simon and Schuster

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• You know how you're always trying to get things to come out perfect in art because it's real difficult in life

  Woody Allen

  Art, Real, Always Trying

  Woody Allen, Marshall Brickman (2000). “Annie Hall: scénario bilingue”

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• You know, it's one thing about intellectuals, they prove that you can be absolutely brilliant and have no idea what's going on.

  Woody Allen

  Ideas, Brilliant, Prove

  Woody Allen, Marshall Brickman (2000). “Annie Hall: scénario bilingue”

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• My grammy never gave gifts, you know. She was too busy getting raped by Cossacks.

  Woody Allen

  Busy, Cossacks, Grammy

  Woody Allen, Marshall Brickman (2000). “Annie Hall: scénario bilingue”

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• Can I confess something? I tell you this as an artist, I think you'll understand. Sometimes when I'm driving on the road at night I see two headlights coming toward me. Fast. I have this sudden impulse to turn the wheel quickly, head-on into the oncoming car. I can anticipate the explosion. The sound of shattering glass. The flames rising out of the flowing gasoline.

  Christopher Walken

  Artist, Night, Thinking

  "Fictional character: Duane". "Annie Hall", www.imdb.com. 1977.

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• I don't know how much longer I can complain.

  Homer

  Complaining, Drawn Together, Knows

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• Those who can't do, teach. And those who can't teach, teach gym.

  Woody Allen

  Witty, Humorous, Teach

  Woody Allen, Marshall Brickman (2000). “Annie Hall: scénario bilingue”

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• Don't you see the rest of the country looks upon New York like we're left-wing, communist, Jewish, homosexual pornographers? I think of us that way sometimes and I live here.

  Woody Allen

  Country, New York, Thinking

  Woody Allen, Marshall Brickman (2000). “Annie Hall: scénario bilingue”

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• There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know; and such small portions." Well, that's essentially how I feel about life - full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly.

  Woody Allen

  Loneliness, Boys, Elderly

  Annie Hall, www.imdb.com. 1977.

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• I heard that Commentary and Dissent had merged and formed Dysenery.

  Woody Allen

  Magazines, Heard, Dissent

  Woody Allen, Marshall Brickman (2000). “Annie Hall: scénario bilingue”

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• I was in analysis. I was suicidal. As a matter of fact, I would have killed myself, but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian and if you kill yourself they make you pay for the sessions you miss.

  Woody Allen

  Funny, Humor, Suicidal

  Annie Hall (motion picture) (1977). Cowritten with Marshall Brickman. This joke appeared in a monologue recorded live in August 1968 and released on The Third Woody Allen Album.

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• Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat...college.

  Woody Allen

  Cute, Witty, Humorous

  Annie Hall, www.imdb.com. 1977.

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• Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.

  Woody Allen

  Funny, Life, Humor

  "Fictional character: Alvy Singer". "Annie Hall", www.imdb.com. 1977.

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• Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.

  Woody Allen

  Mistake, Taught, Harvard

  Woody Allen, Marshall Brickman (2000). “Annie Hall: scénario bilingue”

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