Dave Barry Quotes About Parents

Quotes about: Parents

• A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.

  Dave Barry

  Inspirational, Children, Perfect Parents

• I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford.

  Dave Barry

  Children, Believe, College

  Dave Barry (2013). “My Teenage Son's Goal in Life Is to Make Me Feel 3,500 Years Old: and Other Thoughts on Parenting from Dave Barry”, p.85, Andrews McMeel Publishing

• I’ve noticed that one thing about parents is that no matter what stage your child is in, the parents who have older children always tell you the next stage is worse.

  Dave Barry

  Funny, Sarcastic, Children

• To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.

  Dave Barry

  Inspirational, Funny, Teenage

  Dave Barry (2013). “My Teenage Son's Goal in Life Is to Make Me Feel 3,500 Years Old: and Other Thoughts on Parenting from Dave Barry”, p.73, Andrews McMeel Publishing

• Until I became a parent, I thought children just naturally knew how to catch a ball, that catching was an instinctive biological reflex that all children are born with, like knowing how to operate a remote control or getting high fevers in distant airports.

  Dave Barry

  Funny, Baby, Children

  Dave Barry (1994). “The World According to Dave Barry”, Outlet

• Kids have *_____ never* taken guidance from their parents. If you could travel back in time and observe the original primate family in the original tree, you would see the primate parents yelling at the primate teenager for sitting around and sulking all day instead of hunting for grubs and berries like dad primate. Then you'd see the primate teenager stomp up to his branch and slam the leaves.

  Dave Barry

  Dad, Teenager, Taken

• Nobody is excused from the excellence trend. Babies are not excused. Starting right after they get out of the womb, modern babies are exposed to instructional flashcards designed to make them the best babies they can possibly be, so they can get into today's competitive preschools. Your eighties baby sees so many flashcards that he never gets an unobstructed view of his parents' faces. As an adult, he'll carry around a little wallet card that says "7x9=63," because it will remind him of mother.

  Dave Barry

  Funny, Mother, Baby

• If you're like most members of the Baby Boom generation, you decided somewhere along the line, probably after about four margaritas, to have children. This was inevitable. Mother Nature, in her infinite wisdom, has instilled within each of us a powerful biological instinct to reproduce; this is her way of assuring that the human race, come what may, will never have any disposable income.

  Dave Barry

  Mother, Baby, Children

  Dave Barry (1994). “The World According to Dave Barry”, Outlet

• I know that all over America there's probably politicians sending out pictures of themselves signing that mandatory helmet bill, but it's bullshit. I say that as a parent.

  Dave Barry

  America, Bullshit, Parent

  "'All I Think Is That It's Stupid': An Interview with Dave Barry". Interview with Glenn Garvin, reason.com. December 1, 1994.

• Any parent that relies on any law to help him parent is an idiot.

  Dave Barry

  Law, Parent, Helping

  ""All I Think Is That It's Stupid": An Interview with Dave Barry". Interview with Glenn Garvin, reason.com. December 1, 1994.

• Although a science fair can seem like a big "pain" it can help you understand important scientific principles, such as Newton's First Law of Inertia, which states: "A body at rest will remain at rest until 8:45 p.m. the night before the science fair project is due, at which point the body will come rushing to the body's parents, who are already in their pajamas, and shout, 'I JUST REMEMBERED THE SCIENCE FAIR IS TOMORROW AND WE GOTTA GO TO THE STORE RIGHT NOW!'"

  Dave Barry

  Pain, Science, Night

• My theory is that there is a finite amount of intelligence in a family, and you're supposed to gradually transfer it to your children over a period of many years. This is why your parents started to get so stupid just at the time in your life when you were getting really smart.

  Dave Barry

  Funny, Children, Smart

  Dave Barry (1984). “Babies and Other Hazards of Sex: How to Make a Tiny Person in Only 9 Months, with Tools You Probably Have Around the Home”, p.72, Rodale

• But from the perspective of the aging parent, there is no major difference between four and fifteen, except that when your child is four, his motoring privileges are restricted to little toy Fisher-Price vehicles which are unlikely (although I would not totally rule it out in America) to sue you.

  Dave Barry

  Children, Differences, America

  Dave Barry (2009). “Dave Barry Is from Mars and Venus”, p.168, Ballantine Books

• You kids have fun, and be home by Thanksgiving!" our parents would call to us on Halloween night, as we staggered out the front door, weighed down by hundreds of pounds of concealed vandalism supplies, including enough raw eggs to feed Somalia for decades. By morning, thanks to our efforts, the entire neighborhood would be covered with a layer of congealed shaving cream and toilet paper that, around certain unpopular neighbors' homes, was hundreds of feet thick. This is how the Appalachian Mountains were formed.

  Dave Barry

  Morning, Fun, Halloween

• There's only one way kids will wear helmets, and that's if their parents are nagging them to. They will never wear helmets because some state passes a law requiring it.

  Dave Barry

  Kids, Law, Parent

  "'All I Think Is That It's Stupid': An Interview with Dave Barry". Interview with Glenn Garvin, reason.com. December 1, 1994.

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