Dave Barry Quotes About Animals

Quotes about: Animals

• Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.

  Dave Barry

  Dog, Animal, Car

  Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry Talks Back”, p.118, Crown Archetype

• One of the major hobbies in South Florida is keeping animals that no sane person would want to keep. One of those is snakes. They usually get them when they're small, and when they get too big, they let them go. But there are also people with monkeys, lions, tigers. And they all get away, eventually.

  Dave Barry

  Animal, Snakes, Florida

  Source: www.chicagotribune.com

• Derangement is the only possible explanation for owning a cat, an animal whose preferred mode of communication is to sink its claws three-quarters of an inch into your flesh.

  Dave Barry

  Funny, Communication, Humor

  Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry Talks Back”, p.127, Crown Archetype

• Disney Resort and World and Compound, a place where your dreams really do come true, if you dream about having people wearing enormous cartoon-animal heads come around to your restaurant table and act whimsical and refuse to go away until you laugh with delight.

  Dave Barry

  Funny, Dream, Humor

  Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry Talks Back”, p.68, Crown Archetype

• And what is the Scientific Community doing about these problems, young people? THEY'RE CLONING SHEEP. Great! Just what we need! Sheep that look MORE ALIKE than they already do! Thanks a lot, Scientific Community!

  Dave Barry

  Funny, Animal, Sheep

• The first animals to be successfully domesticated were dogs, which were a big help because they would bark all night and fetch thrown sticks, thereby freeing humans from having to perform these tedious yet vital tasks.

  Dave Barry

  Funny, Dog, Humorous

  Dave Barry (2011). “Dave Barry Hits Below the Beltway”, p.11, Ballantine Books

• When I say "dogs", I'm talking about dogs, which are large, bounding, salivating animals, usually with bad breath. I am not talking about those little squeaky things you can hold on your lap and carry around. Zoologically speaking, these are not dogs at all; they are members of the pillow family.

  Dave Barry

  Funny, Dog, Humorous

• Basically Ken is a very gentle, home-loving person. I remember when one of his stick insects had a knee infection. He stayed up all night rubbing it with germoline and banging its head on the table.

  Dave Barry

  Funny, Home, Animal

• The problem ... is that we have run out of dinosaurs to form oil with. Scientists working for the Department of Energy have tried to form oil using other animals; they've piled thousands of tons of sand and Middle Eastern countries on top of cows, raccoons, haddock, laboratory rats, etc., but so far all they have managed to do is run up an enormous bulldozer-rental bill and anger a lot of Middle Eastern persons. None of the animals turned into oil, although most of the laboratory rats developed cancer.

  Dave Barry

  Running, Country, Cancer

• Scientists tell us that the fastest animal in the world, with a speed of 120 mph, is a cow dropped out of a helicopter.

  Dave Barry

  Science, Animal, Mph

• Orangutan are very weird animals but they look very soulful.

  Dave Barry

  Animal, Looks, Orangutans

• The coyotes made too much noise last night and kept me awake. Please eradicate these annoying animals.

  Dave Barry

  God, Animal, Night

• Ban walking sticks in wilderness. Hikers that use walking sticks are more likely to chase animals.

  Dave Barry

  God, Animal, Walking Sticks

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