Phyllis Diller Quotes - Page 4

Quotes about:

• It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.

  Phyllis Diller

  Inspirational, Fighting, Years

  7 Copy quote

• I was in a beauty contest once. I not only came in last, I was hit in the mouth by Miss Congeniality.

  Phyllis Diller

  Missing, Mouths, Lasts

  "Legendary Comic Phyllis Diller Dies at 95" by Duane Byrge, www.hollywoodreporter.com. August 20, 2012.

  6 Copy quote

• My sister-in-law is so skinny that she has a striped dress with only one stripe.

  Phyllis Diller

  Sister In Law, Stripes, Dresses

  6 Copy quote

• I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

  Phyllis Diller

  Boyfriend, Sex, Miles

  19 Copy quote

• Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls.

  Phyllis Diller

  Funny, Dog, Stoves

  18 Copy quote

• Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.

  Phyllis Diller

  Feet, Aim High, Aim

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  8 Copy quote

• I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'

  Phyllis Diller

  Food, Three, Milk

  14 Copy quote

• self-pity is better than none.

  Phyllis Diller

  Self, Self Pity, Pity

  6 Copy quote

• A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

  Phyllis Diller

  Inspirational, Anniversary, Mistake

  "Fearless and Funny: When Comedy Was Queen" by Michael Drew, www.huffingtonpost.com. August 23, 2012.

  17 Copy quote

• The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.

  Phyllis Diller

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  47 Copy quote

• The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing at you.

  Phyllis Diller

  Retirement, Real, Golf

  16 Copy quote

• We have far too many kids. At one time in the playpen there was standing-room only. It looked like a bus stop for midgets. It used to get so damp in there, we'd have a rainbow above it.

  Phyllis Diller

  Funny, Baby, Children

  Phyllis Diller (2006). “Like a Lampshade in a Whorehouse: My Life in Comedy”, p.68, Penguin

  11 Copy quote

• Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.

  Phyllis Diller

  Christmas, Xmas, Past

  22 Copy quote

• Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.

  Phyllis Diller

  Practice, Life Is, Do It Yourself

  12 Copy quote

• Comedy is tragedy revisited.

  Phyllis Diller

  Tragedy, Comedy

  7 Copy quote

• A passport picture is a photo of a man that he can laugh at without realizing that it looks exactly the way his friends see him.

  Phyllis Diller

  Men, Laughing, Looks

  8 Copy quote

• Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

  Phyllis Diller

  Inspirational, Birthday, Age

  10 Copy quote

• You can say the nastiest things about yourself without offending anyone.

  Phyllis Diller

  Offending, About Yourself

  5 Copy quote

• Next to gold and jewelry, health is the most important thing you can have.

  Phyllis Diller

  Important, Gold, Next

  25 Copy quote

• I wanted to become me, totally me. The more me, the better. I instinctively knew this and I was right.

  Phyllis Diller

  Wanted

  Phyllis Diller (2006). “Like a Lampshade in a Whorehouse: My Life in Comedy”, p.116, Penguin

  7 Copy quote

• I was the world's ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads... I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said 'Grab the blade!

  Phyllis Diller

  Mother, Baby, Leaving

  15 Copy quote

• Actually, I comb my hair quite often. Of course, I use an electric toothbrush.

  Phyllis Diller

  Inspirational, Hair, Use

  4 Copy quote

• The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.

  Phyllis Diller

  Inspirational, Baby, Kids

  8 Copy quote

• There's such a buildup of crud in my oven, there's only room to bake a single cupcake.

  Phyllis Diller

  Inspirational, Cupcakes, Rooms

  20 Copy quote

• My doctor is a family physician. He treats my family and I support his.

  Phyllis Diller

  Doctors, Support, Physicians

  9 Copy quote

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