Phyllis Diller Quotes - Page 5

Quotes about:

• I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.

  Phyllis Diller

  Inspirational, Football, Rams

  7 Copy quote

• [On plastic surgery:] When I die, God won't know me. There are no two parts of my body the same age.

  Phyllis Diller

  Two, Age, Body

  10 Copy quote

• When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance. Sometimes I just go for an estimate.

  Phyllis Diller

  Beauty, Use, Emergencies

  9 Copy quote

• Remember, only a policeman is allowed to express himself on an expressway.

  Phyllis Diller

  Police, Remember, Policemen

  14 Copy quote

• They just elected me Mis Phonograph Record of 1966. They discovered my measurements were 33 1/2, 45, 78!

  Phyllis Diller

  Records, Measurement, Phonograph

  8 Copy quote

• By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant.

  Phyllis Diller

  Baby, Pregnancy, Common

  18 Copy quote

• It's hard to find a negligee in my size. I wear a Junior Mister.

  Phyllis Diller

  Inspirational, Juniors, Size

  4 Copy quote

• Remember there is no way you can give the father custody of the children without getting a divorce.

  Phyllis Diller

  Children, Father, Divorce

  18 Copy quote

• Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.

  Phyllis Diller

  Mean, Tennis, Love Means

  11 Copy quote

• This woman was so cross-eyed. She can go to a tennis match and never move her head.

  Phyllis Diller

  Inspirational, Moving, Tennis

  8 Copy quote

• When I go to the beach, my grandchildren try to make words out of the veins in my legs. That's why I still take the pill; I don't want any more grandchildren.

  Phyllis Diller

  Funny, Beach, Humor

  13 Copy quote

• It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.

  Phyllis Diller

  Inspirational, Beauty, Skins

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  22 Copy quote

• When you hire a person to plan your wedding, this does not include securing the groom. Plan to get married on Friday the 13th. In years to come this will make it much easier to explain why things turned out badly. To look beautiful at your wedding, take time to plan it. It took me a long time to find two ugly bridesmaids and a frumpy little flower girl.

  Phyllis Diller

  Beautiful, Girl, Friday

  12 Copy quote

• My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.

  Phyllis Diller

  Anger, Frustration, Kitchen

  69 Copy quote

• The reason I'm not an alcoholic is I don't like to drink in front of the kids . . . and when you're away from them, who needs it?.

  Phyllis Diller

  Funny, Baby, Children

  Phyllis Diller (2006). “Like a Lampshade in a Whorehouse: My Life in Comedy”, p.194, Penguin

  5 Copy quote

• I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

  Phyllis Diller

  Years, Behinds, Eighteen

  7 Copy quote

• I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, What do you have in lingerie? She says, More than you'll ever have!

  Phyllis Diller

  Hate, Smart, Clerks

  9 Copy quote

• [When to have a facelift:] If you're tripping over your neck.

  Phyllis Diller

  Over You, Tripping, Necks

  7 Copy quote

• I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.

  Phyllis Diller

  Mother, Long, Lines

  Phyllis Diller (2006). “Like a Lampshade in a Whorehouse: My Life in Comedy”, p.17, Penguin

  14 Copy quote

• I'm the woman who used to think that middle-age spread was a cocktail dip.

  Phyllis Diller

  Thinking, Age, Cocktails

  5 Copy quote

• All mothers are working mothers.

  Phyllis Diller

  Mother

  5 Copy quote

• My own laugh is the real thing and I've had it all my life.

  Phyllis Diller

  Real, Laughing, My Own

  Phyllis Diller (2006). “Like a Lampshade in a Whorehouse: My Life in Comedy”, p.115, Penguin

  8 Copy quote

• When I was a kid and we used to play Post Office, I was the Dead Letter Office.

  Phyllis Diller

  Kids, Play, Office

  8 Copy quote

• Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, 'I'll tell you something you do that irritates me, if you tell me something I do that bothers you,' never ends in a hug and a kiss.

  Phyllis Diller

  Kissing, Hug, Ends

  11 Copy quote

• Never go to bed angry, stay up and fight.

  Phyllis Diller

  Relationship, Stay Strong, Anger

  "Getting Through to the Man You Love : The No-Nonsense, No-Nagging Guide for Women". Book by Michele Weiner-Davis, (p.151), 1999.

  11 Copy quote

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