Phyllis Diller Quotes About Children

Quotes about: Children

• Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.

  Phyllis Diller

  Funny, Mom, Mother

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

  Phyllis Diller

  Funny, Hilarious, Mom

• I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.

  Phyllis Diller

  Funny, Family, Mom

• Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.

  Phyllis Diller

  Growing Up, Children, Silly

  Phyllis Diller's Housekeeping Hints (1966)

• It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.

  Phyllis Diller

  Mothers Day, Mom, Fathers Day

• ... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.

  Phyllis Diller

  Children, Writing, Dust

• Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

  Phyllis Diller

  Mom, Witty, Funny Inspirational

  Phyllis Diller (2006). “Like a Lampshade in a Whorehouse: My Life in Comedy”, p.81, Penguin

• Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won't run.

  Phyllis Diller

  Running, Children, Women

• Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children.

  Phyllis Diller

  Children, Advice, Bottles

  "Fearless and Funny: When Comedy Was Queen" by Michael R. Drew and Robert J. Hughes, www.huffingtonpost.com. August 23, 2012.

• We have far too many kids. At one time in the playpen there was standing-room only. It looked like a bus stop for midgets. It used to get so damp in there, we'd have a rainbow above it.

  Phyllis Diller

  Funny, Baby, Children

  Phyllis Diller (2006). “Like a Lampshade in a Whorehouse: My Life in Comedy”, p.68, Penguin

• The reason I'm not an alcoholic is I don't like to drink in front of the kids . . . and when you're away from them, who needs it?.

  Phyllis Diller

  Funny, Baby, Children

  Phyllis Diller (2006). “Like a Lampshade in a Whorehouse: My Life in Comedy”, p.194, Penguin

• We named all our children Kid. Well, they have different first names, like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . .

  Phyllis Diller

  Funny, Children, Humorous

• One [expert] said, 'Always have a baby sitter who is acquainted with your children.' If they were acquainted with my children, they wouldn't sit!

  Phyllis Diller

  Baby, Children, Experts

• You want to look younger... rent smaller children.

  Phyllis Diller

  Children, Looks, Want

• Remember there is no way you can give the father custody of the children without getting a divorce.

  Phyllis Diller

  Children, Father, Divorce

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