Phyllis Diller Quotes About Babies

Quotes about: Babies

• I was the world's ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.

  Phyllis Diller

  Baby, Doctors, World

  Phyllis Diller (2006). “Like a Lampshade in a Whorehouse: My Life in Comedy”, p.20, Penguin

• It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.

  Phyllis Diller

  Mothers Day, Mom, Fathers Day

• By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant.

  Phyllis Diller

  Baby, Pregnancy, Common

• I got my first laugh when my mother entered me in a baby contest.

  Phyllis Diller

  Mother, Baby, Laughing

• I was the world's ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads... I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said 'Grab the blade!

  Phyllis Diller

  Mother, Baby, Leaving

• We have far too many kids. At one time in the playpen there was standing-room only. It looked like a bus stop for midgets. It used to get so damp in there, we'd have a rainbow above it.

  Phyllis Diller

  Funny, Baby, Children

  Phyllis Diller (2006). “Like a Lampshade in a Whorehouse: My Life in Comedy”, p.68, Penguin

• The reason I'm not an alcoholic is I don't like to drink in front of the kids . . . and when you're away from them, who needs it?.

  Phyllis Diller

  Funny, Baby, Children

  Phyllis Diller (2006). “Like a Lampshade in a Whorehouse: My Life in Comedy”, p.194, Penguin

• The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.

  Phyllis Diller

  Inspirational, Baby, Kids

• I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning.

  Phyllis Diller

  Inspirational, Baby, Morning

• On the way to the delivery room, I almost changed my mind about having a baby. I wouldn't have found it so hard to go ahead with it if I had realized that having a baby was the only way I could ever become a grandmother.

  Phyllis Diller

  Baby, Grandmother, Grandparent

• One [expert] said, 'Always have a baby sitter who is acquainted with your children.' If they were acquainted with my children, they wouldn't sit!

  Phyllis Diller

  Baby, Children, Experts

• There isn't any (afterlife), you dingbat! This is it, baby! Enjoy, carefully! Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion and I can't buy any of it. So God made man in His own image? It's just the other way around. Man made God in his own image. It's all about money.

  Phyllis Diller

  Baby, Men, Ideas

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