Phyllis Diller Quotes About Mothers

Quotes about: Mothers

• Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.

  Phyllis Diller

  Funny, Mom, Mother

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

  Phyllis Diller

  Funny, Hilarious, Mom

• I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.

  Phyllis Diller

  Funny, Family, Mom

• It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.

  Phyllis Diller

  Mothers Day, Mom, Fathers Day

• My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.

  Phyllis Diller

  Inspirational, Mother, Pain

• My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle

  Phyllis Diller

  Mother, Inspiration, Hated

• I was the world's ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads... I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said 'Grab the blade!

  Phyllis Diller

  Mother, Baby, Leaving

• All mothers are working mothers.

  Phyllis Diller

  Mother

• I got my first laugh when my mother entered me in a baby contest.

  Phyllis Diller

  Mother, Baby, Laughing

• Mothers-in-law do not make good house pets. Once I had the most wonderful dream -- I dreamed that mothers-in-law cost money and I couldn't afford one.

  Phyllis Diller

  Mother, Dream, Law

• My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.

  Phyllis Diller

  Mother, Husband, Law

• All I ever learned at my mother's knee was what a bony knee looked like.

  Phyllis Diller

  Mother, Knees

• I'd love to slit my mother-in-law's corsets and watch her spread to death.

  Phyllis Diller

  Mother, Law, Watches

• I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.

  Phyllis Diller

  Mother, Long, Lines

  Phyllis Diller (2006). “Like a Lampshade in a Whorehouse: My Life in Comedy”, p.17, Penguin

• I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch."

  Phyllis Diller

  Mother, Husband, Son

• My mother-in-law buys her coats in a carper shop. She wears a 9x12.

  Phyllis Diller

  Mother, Law, Coats

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