Phyllis Diller Inspirational Quotes

Quotes about: Inspirational

• Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

  Phyllis Diller

  Inspirational, Funny, Witty

• You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

  Phyllis Diller

  Inspirational, Blood, Type

• Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

  Phyllis Diller

  Inspirational, Birthday, Anniversary

• Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

  Phyllis Diller

  Inspirational, Rooms

  "Comedian Phyllis Diller dies 'with a smile on her face'" by Alan Duke, www.cnn.com. August 22, 2012.

• My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.

  Phyllis Diller

  Inspirational, Justice, Looks

• Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

  Phyllis Diller

  Inspirational, Life, Birthday

• I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?

  Phyllis Diller

  Inspirational, Couple, Husband

• It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.

  Phyllis Diller

  Inspirational, Beauty, Skins

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

  Phyllis Diller

  Inspirational, Half, Hours

  "Fearless and Funny: When Comedy Was Queen" by Michael R. Drew and Robert J. Hughes, www.huffingtonpost.com. August 23, 2012.

• I'm the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night... and reduce the crime rate.

  Phyllis Diller

  Inspirational, Night, Central Park

• A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

  Phyllis Diller

  Inspirational, Anniversary, Mistake

  "Fearless and Funny: When Comedy Was Queen" by Michael Drew, www.huffingtonpost.com. August 23, 2012.

• My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.

  Phyllis Diller

  Inspirational, Mother, Pain

• It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.

  Phyllis Diller

  Inspirational, Fighting, Years

• There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

  Phyllis Diller

  Inspirational, Ghetto, Littles

• The only parts left of my original body are my elbows.

  Phyllis Diller

  Inspirational, Complaining, Elbows

• It's hard to find a negligee in my size. I wear a Junior Mister.

  Phyllis Diller

  Inspirational, Juniors, Size

• Fang took the entire family out for coffee and donuts the other night. The kids enjoyed it. It was the first time they'd ever given blood.

  Phyllis Diller

  Inspirational, Coffee, Kids

• When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.

  Phyllis Diller

  Inspirational, Beach, Tides

  Phyllis Diller (2006). “Like a Lampshade in a Whorehouse: My Life in Comedy”, p.51, Penguin

• It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser.

  Phyllis Diller

  Inspirational, Blow, Ill Will

• Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition.

  Phyllis Diller

  Inspirational, Lying, House

• This woman was so cross-eyed. She can go to a tennis match and never move her head.

  Phyllis Diller

  Inspirational, Moving, Tennis

• Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss; we touch gloves.

  Phyllis Diller

  Inspirational, Morning, Fighting

• There's such a buildup of crud in my oven, there's only room to bake a single cupcake.

  Phyllis Diller

  Inspirational, Cupcakes, Rooms

• I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies.

  Phyllis Diller

  Inspirational, People, Fur

• Actually, I comb my hair quite often. Of course, I use an electric toothbrush.

  Phyllis Diller

  Inspirational, Hair, Use

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