Comedy Quotes - Page 22

• According to new statistics, Pope Francis is the most talked about person on the Internet. And not only that, he has the most viewed profile on Christian Mingle.

  Conan O'Brien

  Christian, Religion, Statistics

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• In an interview, former vice-presidential candidate Paul Ryan said he does not have a racist bone in his body. However, he admitted he has three sexist bones and his spine is homophobic.

  Conan O'Brien

  Presidential, Racist, Body

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• Pope Francis said that atheists are still eligible to go to heaven. To return the favor, atheists said Popes are still eligible to go into a void of nothingness.

  Conan O'Brien

  Atheist, Heaven, Religion

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• When death comes too near, comedy and tragedy fall silent.

  Mason Cooley

  Death, Fall, Tragedy

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• Comedy defends the commonplace; tragedy explodes it.

  Mason Cooley

  Tragedy, Commonplace

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• Only the most lucid can see their love as comedy.

  Mason Cooley

  Love

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• I love the HRC. The initials are great.

  William J. Clinton

  Justice, Politics, Human Rights

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• If Shakespeare were alive today and writing comedy for the movies, he would be the head-liner for the Mack Sennett studios.

  Robert Benchley

  Writing, Would Be, Alive

  Robert Benchley (1943). “Benchley beside himself”

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• It is easy to forget that the most important aspect of comedy, after all, its great saving grace, is its ambiguity. You can simultaneously laugh at a situation, and take it seriously.

  Stephen Fry

  Funny, Laughter, Humor

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• Robin [Williams] was a world treasure. As we mourn his tragic death, we must remember him for the great waves of laughter that he was able to illicit from us, how his humor and insights - though they came from a place of pain and uncertainty - connected us and reminded us of how flawed and fragile...how human we are. How we are capable of moments of inspired transcendence and others of unspeakable despair.

  Glenn Close

  Leadership, Wisdom, Pain

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• The mayor of Sochi is now saying that there are no gay people in Sochi. So the only thing that is flaming over there now is the Olympic torch.

  David Letterman

  Leadership, Gay, Class

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• Here's a woman, a real pioneer for other women looking for careers in stand-up comedy. And talk about guts - she would come out here and sit in this chair and say some things that were unbelievable - where you would have to swallow pretty hard... but it was hilarious... the force of her comedy was overpowering.

  David Letterman

  Leadership, Fashion, Real

  "Joan Rivers Dead: Hollywood Mourns Comedian" by Hilary Lewis, www.hollywoodreporter.com. September 4, 2014.

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• Donald Trump had a university. Well, the state attorney general decided that the Donald Trump University was an unlicensed sham. And I thought, you know you're at a bad university when your commencement speaker is Whitey Bulger.

  David Letterman

  Education, States, Trump

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• The whole object of comedy is to be yourself and the closer you get to that, the funnier you will be.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Being Yourself, Whole, Objects

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• I think if you write humor, then people don't - you know - they don't give you that much credit. They tend to think you just dictate your stories into a tape recorder. And I'm not necessarily insulted by that, because I think that just means that it looks easy.

  David Sedaris

  Writing, Mean, Thinking

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• I'm not afraid to write about madness. I always figure that whatever most embarrasses you is something that everyone can relate to, really...because we're just not that different. So if you think, 'Oh my god, this is so embarrassing. I can't possibly talk about that,' and you write about it, the audience is gonna be like, 'that happened to me!

  David Sedaris

  Writing, Reality, Thinking

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• Ponder, your comedies are woeful chaff:
  Write tragedies, when you would make us laugh.

  Horace Walpole

  Writing, Laughing, Tragedy

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• Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg apparently called President Obama directly to complain about NSA and how it spies on ordinary Americans. That's right, the guy who runs Facebook got mad at the NSA for spying on people. Talk about the pot unfriending the kettle!

  Jimmy Fallon

  Leadership, Running, Zuckerberg

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• L.A. Clippers owner Donald Sterling was recorded on tape making racist comments. He now has been banned from the league for life. Great, just where Sterling wanted to end up - the blacklist.

  Jimmy Fallon

  League, Tape, Racist

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• Director Ken Burns revealed that his next documentary is about Franklin Roosevelt, and it's fourteen hours long...which sounds like too much, until you realize there's been over thirty hours of TV dedicated to Honey Boo Boo.

  Jimmy Fallon

  Reality, Long, History

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• What's with the poverty Tourette's? Why do these two think we need a hobo for president?

  Jon Stewart

  Money, Thinking, Reality

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• Fate cast me to play the role of an ugly duckling with no promise of swanning. . . . I have played my life as a comedy rather than the tragedy many would have made of it.

  Marie Dressler

  Fate, Ugly Duckling, Play

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• Cardinal Dolan, of course, has a very, very hard job: trying to hold up Catholic family values in sexually liberal New York City. I'm not saying New York is the Gay Mecca. But it's at least Gay-rusalem.

  Stephen Colbert

  Family, Leadership, Jobs

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• I gotta tell you, I do not envy whoever they try to put in David Letterman's chair. Folks those are some huge shoes to fill, and some really big pants.

  Stephen Colbert

  Leadership, Work, Shoes

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• I am convinced that nothing will happen to me, for I know the greatness of the task for which Providence has chosen me.

  Adolf Hitler

  Greatness, Tasks, Providence

  Adolf Hitler (1942). “The Speeches of Adolf Hitler: April 1922-August 1939”

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