Jerry Seinfeld Quotes About Comedy

Quotes about: Comedy

• The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Funny, Mafia, Irs

• People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Hilarious, Lying, People

• Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

• To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Moving, Life Is Good, Movement

• Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Funny, Makeup, Color

• Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Funny, Hilarious, Witty

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

• I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as you know, always leads to something - cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Witty, Time, Cutting

• Some of the events in the Olympics don't make sense to me. I don't understand the connection to any reality... Like in the Winter Olympics they have that biathlon that combines cross-country skiing with shooting a gun. How many alpine snipers are into this? Ski, shoot a gun... ski, bang, bang, bang... It's like combining swimming and strangling a guy. Why don't we have that? That makes absolutely as much sense to me. Just put people in the pool at the end of each lane for the swimmers.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Funny, Country, Winter

• Make no mistake about why these babies are here - they are here to replace us.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Baby, Funny Life, Mistake

  "German schoolkids perform adorably chilling Kraftwerk cover" by Joe Blevins, www.avclub.com. March 30, 2015.

• I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Education, Humor, People

• The whole object of comedy is to be yourself and the closer you get to that, the funnier you will be.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Being Yourself, Comedy, Whole

• Well, all comedy starts with anger. You get angry, and its never for a good reason, right? You know its not a good reason. And then you try and work it from there.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Anger, Trying, Comedy

• You know, crankiness is at the essence of all comedy.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Essence, Comedy, Crankiness

  "Takes One to Know One". Interview with David Steinberg, www.latimes.com.

• My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Moving, Funny Relationship, Florida

• The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it's so much fun.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Laughter, Fun, Strangers And Friends

• I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Funny, Thinking, Comedy

• Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Funny, Ice Cream, Massage

• The toughest nights when I was a young, unknown comedian were opening for these real old-time Italian singers. I'm like Grace Jones to them. "This guy is nuts-talking about socks. Where's the wife jokes, where's the fat jokes?"

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Funny, Real, Night

• They seal the subway change-booth guy up inside this thing with bullet-proof glass, closed in on all sides, it's like some kind of Houdini torture tank of doom. How do you breathe in there? It looks like if you put your hand over the change slot, you could suffocate him in thirty seconds.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Funny, Glasses, Hands

• Why does that pharmacist have to be two and a half feet higher than everybody else? Who the hell is this guy? "Clear out, everybody. I'm working with pills up here. I'm taking them from this big bottle and then I'm gonna put them in the little bottle. That's my whole job. I can't be down on the floor with you people."

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Funny, Jobs, Two

  "Jerry Seinfeld: 'I'm Telling You for the Last Time'". Documentary, Comedy, www.imdb.com. 1998.

• I'll tell you what I like about Chinese people: they're hanging in there with the chop sticks, aren't they? You know they've seen the fork. They're staying with the sticks.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Funny, People, Chinese

• There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, 'I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked.'

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Funny, Humor, Men

• Success is the enemy of comedy.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Enemy, Comedy

• I know there are kids out there, I want to make sure they all know that driving without braking is not something I recommend, unless you have professional clown training or a comedy background, as I do. It is not something I plan to make a habit.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Kids, Training, Want

• Comedy is just complaining in an entertaining way, Enterplaining.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Complaining, Way, Comedy

  Twitter post from Aug 06, 2011

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