Jeff Foxworthy Quotes

Quotes about:

• You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Inspirational, Home, Redneck

  54 Copy quote

• You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom involves shoes and a flashlight.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Redneck, Shoes, Might

  29 Copy quote

• You might be a redneck if you've ever stared at a can of orange juice because it said concentrate.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Redneck, Orange Juice, Might

  17 Copy quote

• You might be a redneck if you see a sign that says Say No To Crack and it reminds you to pull your jeans up.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Redneck, Jeans, Cracks

  7 Copy quote

• Do you know why it's so hard to solve a Redneck murder? 'Cause there's no dental records and all the DNA is the same.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Redneck, Dna, Causes

  6 Copy quote

• We sing about God because we believe in Him. We are not trying to offend anybody, but the evidence that we have seen of Him in our small little lives trumps your opinion about whether or not He exists.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Believe, Trying, Littles

  11 Copy quote

• Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Wife, Funny Marriage, Looks

  8 Copy quote

• If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Funny, Family, Feelings

  Interview with Paul Harris, www.harrisonline.com. May 30, 1996.

  61 Copy quote

• I got my wife a mood ring. It works real good! When shes in a good mood it turns blue, but when shes in a bad mood theres a red mark across my forehead

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Real, Blue, Wife

  10 Copy quote

• You might be a redneck if the UFO hotline limits you to one call a day.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Redneck, Might, Limits

  9 Copy quote

• Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Funny, Dog, Baby

  30 Copy quote

• If you think 'loading the dishwasher' means 'getting your wife drunk', you might be a redneck

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Mean, Redneck, Thinking

  9 Copy quote

• You might be a redneck if... the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Funny, Book, Humor

  18 Copy quote

• My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Funny, Fathers Day, Humor

  FaceBook post by Jeff Foxworthy from Jun 25, 2012

  14 Copy quote

• I don't know why my brain has kept all the words to the Gilligan's Island theme song and has deleted everything about triangles.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Funny, Song, Humor

  "The Tonight Show", March 27, 2007.

  24 Copy quote

• I wish I could relate to the people I'm related to.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  People, Wish, Reuniting

  14 Copy quote

• The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Funny, Jobs, Humor

  8 Copy quote

• If your biggest tax deduction was bail money, you might be a redneck.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Redneck, Bail, Might

  11 Copy quote

• You might be a redneck if you have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Flower, Redneck, Yards

  9 Copy quote

• Ladies have come up with all these expressions to reassure men. "Oh, honey, it's not the size of the ship, it's the motion of the ocean." That may be true, but it takes a long time to get to England in a rowboat.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Funny, Ocean, Humor

  21 Copy quote

• A lot of people up North, they think everybody from the South is married to their sister and has seen a UFO. I told them, 'I'm just dating my sister and couldn't swear that it wasn't a weather balloon.'

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Thinking, Up North, Weather

  20 Copy quote

• I hope someday we can stamp out illiteracy in America. Of course you'll have to kill alot of my relatives to do it.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  America, Someday, Stamps

  7 Copy quote

• Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? You put on something from the cleaners, they're gonna spit up just like that. My wardrobe looks like we have condors living in our yard.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Funny, Baby, Humor

  "You Might Be a Redneck If". Book by Jeff Foxworthy, 1993.

  15 Copy quote

• You don't get married to get sex. Getting married to get sex is like buying a 747 to get free peanuts.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Sex, Buying, Married

  7 Copy quote

• Nowadays you can't even spank your kids. No, gotta give 'em a time out. My dad would take time out of his busy day... to whip our ass.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Dad, Kids, Giving

  9 Copy quote

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