You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.
If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.
Buying a used rental car is kind of like going to a house of ill repute looking for a wife. Anything that's been driven that hard by that many people, you really don't want to put your key in it.
You might be a redneck if there are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.
My grandma's the most careful, safe driver in the world. You put her in a rental car, and she's doing doughnuts in the K-Mart parking lot!
You might be a redneck if people hear your car long before they see it.
In my life, I have driven some crappy vehicles. But I have never been so desperate for a vehicle that I wanted a used rental car.
My wife is like, You finally get your own TV show, you can have any kind of car you want and you get a darned truck. But my brother and I have the same kind of truck now.
You might be a redneck if your bumper sticker says, My other car is a combine.
Hell, when I was in high school, a "drive-by shooting" meant somebody had their rear end hanging out a car window!
You might be a redneck if you have a color coordinating rope that ties down your car hood.
If the gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot, you might be a redneck.
You might be a redneck if you won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.
You might be a redneck if you keep a fly swatter in the front seat of the car so you can reach your kids in the back seat of the car.
You might be a redneck if the hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your car.
I've got nothing against tattoos. I don't have one myself. If I did, it would be right there next to my watch. It would say "Your wife's birthday is August 2nd, your anniversary is September 18th, don't let Ron White drive your car again."
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