Jokes Quotes - Page 32

• In Japan, you have no idea what they are saying, and they can't help you either. Nothing makes any sense. They're very polite, but you feel like a joke is being played on you the entire time you're there.

  Bill Murray

  Japan, Ideas, Helping

  4 Copy quote

• When I was very young, I didn't really write my own material. I just memorized other peoples' jokes. Established comics, like Stanley Myron Handelman and people like that. And then, for every comic, you develop your own style after a while.

  Kevin Nealon

  Writing, People, Style

  10 Copy quote

• Writing books is fun because after I do a show for a couple hours, I'm in a bus for 22 hours. It's not hard for me to look out the window and tell a joke here and there.

  Willie Nelson

  Couple, Fun, Book

  7 Copy quote

• When you're going for a joke, you're stuck out there if it doesn't work. There's nowhere to go. You've done the drum role and the cymbal clash and you're out on the end of the plank.

  Bob Newhart

  Done, Cymbals, Nowhere To Go

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  6 Copy quote

  Show source

• When I was coaching with the Patriots, the players pulled a practical joke and I said, 'Do you think I'm Charlie the Tuna, like a sucker?' After that, they called me Tuna.

  Bill Parcells

  Thinking, Player, Coaching

  4 Copy quote

• It's not like we have a formula, but I think one of the reasons this show has survived is that it has a big heart at its center. Other cartoon shows have people crap on each other and make racist jokes. But I don't think people tune in for that. I just don't think a show lasts for 10 years without a heart.

  Trey Parker

  Heart, Thinking, Years

  17 Copy quote

• People make jokes about my bosoms, why don't they look underneath the breasts at the heart? It's obvious I've got big ones and if people want to assume they're not mine, then let them.

  Dolly Parton

  Heart, People, Looks

  7 Copy quote

• The main jokes in this film are about big things, love and life and zombies - we all get that.

  Simon Pegg

  Life And Love, Zombie, Film

  6 Copy quote

• Even when I lecture per se, I am a joke comedian, I can do the voices.

  Dave Pelzer

  Voice, Comedian, Lectures

  "No pain, no gain". Interview with Kate Kellaway, www.theguardian.com. February 15, 2004.

  7 Copy quote

  Show source

• I don't see anyone avoiding the Stones because DJs make jokes about them being a part of the Geritol set. All it does is make the DJs look stupid.

  Joe Perry

  Stupid, Doe, Looks

  9 Copy quote

• I need a woman to have a quirky sense of humor. There's a bunch of jokes I use, and if she doesn't get them, she's probably not for me.

  Matthew Perry

  Quirky, Needs, Use

  "Best Friend Forever". Interview with Andrew Goldman, www.elle.com. September 22, 2006.

  14 Copy quote

  Show source

• I always have the same thing - which is the fear of not getting a laugh - that I've had from the time I was a kid; obsessing over, 'This joke doesn't quite work, we've got to get this right.' I was always like that, whether I was a member of a six-person ensemble or whether I'm the center of a show.

  Matthew Perry

  Kids, Laughing, Ensemble

  10 Copy quote

• I learned how fast you can go from being an international hero to being a reference in a joke on a late night talk show.

  Michael Phelps

  Hero, Night, Late

  "Olympic Lessons for Startup Life" by John Greathouse, www.businessinsider.com. July 17, 2012.

  7 Copy quote

  Show source

• My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads, where they are safe.

  Emo Philips

  Funny, Humor, Safe

  "If you enjoyed those 'Peter Kay' one-liners in your inbox, they were probably written by Emo Philips" by James Kettle, www.theguardian.com. July 10, 2010.

  9 Copy quote

  Show source

• I once told a journalist that girls call me 'Kitten,' but I couldn't have been more sarcastic, and no matter how many times I've said that it was a joke, it still doesn't go away.

  Joaquin Phoenix

  Girl, Sarcastic, Going Away

  9 Copy quote

• Cigarettes are an instant signifier in culture. It punctuates a joke, or puts that extra zing on a punch line. I like them as a prop. I think it can be really useful for character and texture and contrast and all of that.

  Martha Plimpton

  Character, Thinking, Zing

  6 Copy quote

• I don't really know what is shocking. When you tell the story of a man who is beheaded, you have to show how they cut off his head. If you don't, it's like telling a dirty joke and leaving out the punch line.

  Roman Polanski

  Dirty, Cutting, Men

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  17 Copy quote

  Show source

• Gentle dullness ever loves a joke.

  Alexander Pope

  Gentle, Dullness

  'The Dunciad' (1742) bk. 2, l. 34

  8 Copy quote

  Show source

• I think when people mean that Discworld books have become darker they really mean the series is growing up. In 'The Colour of Magic' most of the city is set alight. It's a joke, in much the same way that the Earth is destroyed almost at the start of Douglas Adams's 'The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.'

  Terry Pratchett

  Growing Up, Book, Mean

  4 Copy quote

• I could never do stand-up because it's that thing of having to get up on stage. And out of every 10 jokes you tell, nine of them have to get a really good response.

  Daniel Radcliffe

  Nine, Get Up, Stage

  Interview with Jeanne Wolf, parade.com. July 2, 2007.

  4 Copy quote

  Show source

• I'd like to think I'd never do a gratuitous fart joke.

  Harold Ramis

  Thinking, Fart

  "Harold Ramis: Expect the Unexpected". Psychology Today interview, www.psychologytoday.com. July 1, 1996.

  9 Copy quote

  Show source

• I love doing six versions of any joke, so if they'll give me six takes, I'd love to do it.

  Ryan Reynolds

  Giving, Six, Give Me

  7 Copy quote

• I'm in nobody's circle, I've always been an outsider.

  Joan Rivers

  Circles, Outsiders, Hillarious

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  6 Copy quote

  Show source

• There's a joke in economics about the drunk who loses his keys in the street but only looks for them under the lightposts. When asked why, he says, 'because that's where the light is.' That's the problem with the deficit.

  Christina Romer

  Light, Keys, Drunk

  4 Copy quote

• I'm Irish, so I'm messing all the time. Which means, I'm having a laugh. I'm always making jokes.

  Saoirse Ronan

  Mean, Laughing

  "'Atonement' star Saoirse Ronan is in the Oscar spotlight". Interview with Donna Freydkin, usatoday30.usatoday.com. February 11, 2008.

  7 Copy quote

  Show source