Jokes Quotes - Page 33

• Do you want me to apologize after every joke? If it doesn't offend somebody it's probably not a joke. It's probably an observation that's not funny. It's gotta offend somebody somewhere.

  Jeff Ross

  Want, Apologizing, Observation

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• A comedy can actually get funnier and funnier. Even though you know the joke, you enjoy it so much, it's the facial expression, you laugh. The laugh doesn't wear off. It could be with you for thirty years.

  Eli Roth

  Expression, Years, Laughing

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• If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good.

  Rita Rudner

  Laughing, Feel Good, Feels

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• I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.

  Rita Rudner

  Writing, Feelings, Satisfying

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• I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.

  Rita Rudner

  Writing, Thinking

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• If you work at comedy too laboriously, you can kill what's funny in the joke.

  Richard Russo

  Comedy, Ifs

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• The more moral the people are in their business dealings, the less paperwork you need, the more handshakes you can have, the more the wheels of capitalism work better because there's trust in the marketplace. Business ethics is not a joke. And, in fact, I think most businesses that I've dealt with encourage exactly that type of behavior.

  Rick Santorum

  Thinking, People, Needs

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• First of all, Saddam did not win the war, even though he says he did, I mean, you know, that's a joke and everybody in the world knows it.

  Norman Schwarzkopf

  War, Mean, Winning

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• I was saying as a joke the other day that I love film editing, I know how to cut a picture, I think I know how to shoot it, but I don't know how to light it. And I realize it's because I didn't grow up with light. I grew up in tenements.

  Martin Scorsese

  Growing Up, Cutting, Thinking

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• I live right next to a grocery store and I don't know if it's the bachelor in me, but I just go in and shop for what I need for the day. I'm an idiot because I don't shop for the whole week. The check out clerks always crack jokes about the fact that I'm in there sometimes twice a day.

  Sean William Scott

  Clerks, Cracks, Needs

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• I've been keeping a diary for thirty-three years and write in it every morning. Most of it's just whining, but every so often there'll be something I can use later: a joke, a description, a quote. It's an invaluable aid when it comes to winning arguments. 'That's not what you said on February 3, 1996,' I'll say to someone.

  David Sedaris

  Morning, Writing, Winning

  "Ask the Author Live: David Sedaris". Interview, www.newyorker.com. August 14, 2009.

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• I do things, and other people laugh at them. I rarely know what the joke is supposed to be or why they're laughing.

  Wallace Shawn

  People, Laughing, Supposed To Be

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• I don't really care for like fat jokes about women, specifically.

  Sarah Silverman

  Care, Fats

  "Sarah Silverman: Fat jokes about women are offensive". Interview with John D. Sutter, www.cnn.com. February 18, 2010.

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• Ninety-eight per cent of laughter is nothing to do with jokes, which do not deserve to bear the weight of all the funny stuff in the world.

  Arthur Smith

  Funny, Laughter, Eight

  "Culture" by Arthur Smith, www.theguardian.com. October 17, 2001.

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• In black neighborhoods, everybody appreciated comedy about real life. In the white community, fantasy was funnier. I started looking for the jokes that were equally hilarious across the board, for totally different reasons.

  Will Smith

  Real, White, Community

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• Tommy Lee Jones is hilarious. I would say, if you look at the body of his work, the character he is most like is the one in 'The Fugitive.' That's how he talks and jokes. That is the type of energy he has.

  Will Smith

  Character, Energy, Looks

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• When I'm concentrating, I can be fixed in place for hours. In fact, there was a joke in my office that everybody would come and chat outside my door because they knew - no matter how loud they talked - if I was concentrating, it would not disturb me at all.

  Sonia Sotomayor

  Doors, Office, Matter

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• Gene Autry was the most. It may sound like a joke - Go and have a look in my bedroom, It's covered with Gene Autry posters. He was my first musical influence.

  Ringo Starr

  Musical, Sound, Looks

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• For every ten jokes you acquire a hundred enemies.

  Laurence Sterne

  Enemy, Hundred, Acquire

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• You can read Kant by yourself, if you wanted to; but you must share a joke with someone else.

  Robert Louis Stevenson

  Share, Wanted, Ifs

  Robert Louis Stevenson (1904). “Virginibus Puerisque”

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• A joke is a joke. There's an expression - I don't know if you have it - that's 'adding insult to injury.'

  Jon Stewart

  Expression, Insult To Injury, Knows

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• From as long as, literally as far back as I can remember I've liked puns, word jokes, I can literally recall looking at a comic at the age of six or seven and I remember what I enjoyed and what it was precisely and how the joke worked.

  Tom Stoppard

  Birthday, Long, Age

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• My family joke that I'm really a very senior person who accidentally happens to be 11.

  Adora Svitak

  Senior, My Family, Persons

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• A woman would pitch a joke. Nothing. Then a guy would pitch it and everybody would laugh.

  Wanda Sykes

  Laughing, Guy, Comedy

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• When I was growing up, my mother was always a friend to my siblings and me (in addition to being all the other things a mom is), and I was always grateful for that because I knew she was someone I could talk to and joke with, and argue with and that nothing would ever harm that friendship.

  Marlo Thomas

  Mom, Mother, Brother

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